Is approval seeking a problem for you?  Ask yourself these questions.

• Do you seek others’ approval more than your own?
• Whose approval do you most crave?
• Whose disapproval do you most fear?
• In what areas of your life do you seek the approval of others the most?
• Do you try to get people to perceive you in a certain way?
• When you get an idea about how to improve some aspect of your life, are you more apt to start polling people for opinions rather than to just go with it?
• Do you often say yes when you’d rather say no?
• Is your home more a reflection of your budget or of someone else’s taste rather than a reflection of your personality?
• Does guilt often affect your decision-making process?
• Do you tend to define yourself in context to your relationship to someone else (I am X’s wife, Y’s best friend, Z’s business partner)?
• When it comes to making plans with your friends, is your first reaction to say, “I don’t care what we do,” or “You decide,” or “Whatever you want”?
• Do you often avoid expressing your needs and wants to your loved ones?
• In your family of origin, do you still tend to play the role you did when you were young because it is expected?
• Do you give insincere compliments to others in order to get approval?
• Do you feel upset, worried or insulted when someone disagrees with you?
• Do you express agreement with someone when you don’t agree?
• Do you do things you don’t want to do because you are afraid to say no?
• Do you fail to complain when you have gotten bad service or a product not fit for purpose?
• Do you spread bad news and gossip to gain attention?
• Do you ask permission when it is not required?
• Do you consistently apologise for your words and deeds whether others have voiced disapproval or not?
• Do you pretend to be knowledgable about something because you are afraid to show you don’t know?
• Do you attempt to coax people into paying you compliments and get upset if they don’t?
• Do you do things contrary to your identity, values and principles to gain the approval of someone else?
• Do you change or soften your position because someone appears to disapprove?
• What would you do differently if you were much less concerned about the disapproval of others?
• When seeking external validation, ask yourself, “What do I hope this person tells me?”  Then tell it to yourself.

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