About the book

In the #1 New York Times bestseller The 5 Love Languages, you’ll discover the secret that has transformed millions of relationships worldwide. Whether your relationship is flourishing or failing, Dr. Gary Chapman’s proven approach to showing and receiving love will help you experience deeper and richer levels of intimacy with your partner—starting today.  The 5 Love Languages is as practical as it is insightful. It reveals intrinsic truths and applies relevant, actionable wisdom in ways that work.  Goodreads

Year published: 1992

Buy book: Amazon


Quotes from the book


The Five Love Languages (Gary Chapman)

One of the most basic human needs we have is to be loved

  • Our most basic emotional need is not to fall in love but to be genuinely loved by another, to know a love that grows out of reason and choice, not instinct.
  • Psychologist William James said that possibly the deepest human need is the need to feel appreciated. 
  • Mark Twain once said, I can live for two months on a good compliment. 
  • Material things are no replacement for human, emotional love. 
  • Something in our nature cries out to be loved by another. Isolation is devastating to the human psyche. That is why solitary confinement is considered the cruellest of punishments. 

In relationships, we find true meaning

  • Life’s deepest meaning is not found in accomplishments but in relationships. 

It’s important that we don’t tarnish the present by focusing on the past

  • I am amazed by how many individuals mess up every new day with yesterday. They insist on bringing into today the failures of yesterday and in so doing, they pollute a potentially wonderful day.  

We may come across problems in our relationships, but we must find ways to communicate and, more importantly, ways to forgive

  • A relationship calls for sympathetic listening with a view to understanding the other person’s thoughts, feelings, and desires. 
  • We are trained to analyse problems and create solutions. We forget that marriage is a relationship, not a project to be completed or a problem to solve. 
  • Encouragement requires empathy and seeing the world from your spouse’s perspective. We must first learn what is important to our spouse. Only then can we give encouragement. 
  • People tend to criticize their spouse most loudly in the area where they themselves have the deepest emotional need. 
  • We cannot erase the past. We can only confess it and agree that it was wrong. We can ask for forgiveness and try to act differently in the future. 
  • Forgiveness is not a feeling; it is a commitment. It is a choice to show mercy, not to hold the offense up against the offender.
  • Forgiveness is an expression of love. 

Understand how your emotions work and give each other your time, and your love

  • Remember, emotions themselves are neither good nor bad. They are simply our psychological responses to the events of life. 
  • Verbal compliments, or words of appreciation, are powerful communicators of love. 
  • When I sit with my wife and give her twenty minutes of my undivided attention and she does the same for me, we are giving each other twenty minutes of life. We will never have those twenty minutes again; we are giving our lives to each other. It is a powerful emotional communicator of love.