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Cooking is a kind of everyday magic

• In fact, people who possess no magic at all can instil their home-cooked meals with love and security and health, transforming ingredients and bringing disparate people together as family and friends. There’s a reason that when opening one’s home to guests, the first thing you do is offer food and drink. Cooking is a kind of everyday magic. Juliet Blackwell
• The smells of slow cooking spread around the house and impart a unique warmth matched only by the flavour of the food. Yotam Ottolenghi
• Magic,  Food, Dessert

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Cooking creates happiness

• A good cook is like a sorceress who dispenses happiness. Elsa Schiaparelli
• There is communion of more than our bodies when bread is broken and wine drunk. Mary Frances Kennedy Fisher
• A good cook has great power to assuage grief by his art. Mouchy
• I think preparing food and feeding people brings nourishment not only to our bodies but to our spirits. Feeding people is a way of loving them, in the same way that feeding ourselves is a way of honouring our own createdness and fragility. Shauna Niequist
• I use the kitchen as a pathway to achieve this happiness. Ferran Adria
• Happiness

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Cooking is an act of love

• Cooking is at once child’s play and adult joy. And cooking done with care is an act of love. Craig Claiborne
• Cooking is like love. It should be entered into with abandon or not at all. Harriet Van Horne
• There is no spectacle on earth more appealing than that of a beautiful woman in the act of cooking dinner for someone she loves. Thomas Wolfe
• I think careful cooking is love, don’t you? The loveliest thing you can cook for someone who’s close to you is about as nice a valentine as you can give. Julia Child
• I am more modest now, but I still think that one of the pleasantest of all emotions is to know that I, I with my brain and my hands, have nourished my beloved few, that I have concocted a stew or a story, a rarity or a plain dish, to sustain them truly against the hungers of the world. F.K. Fisher
• I think preparing food and feeding people brings nourishment not only to our bodies but to our spirits. Feeding people is a way of loving them, in the same way that feeding ourselves is a way of honouring our own createdness and fragility. Shauna Niequist
• There ain’t a body, be it mouse or man, that ain’t made better by a little soup. Kate DiCamillo
• Love

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Cooking is a great way to attract and build friendships

• If a pot is cooking, the friendship will stay warm. Arab Proverb
• While the pot boils, friendship endures. Latin Proverb
• Unless you live alone in a cave or hermitage, cooking and eating are social activities: even hermit monks have one communal meal a month. The sharing of food is the basis of social life, and to many people it is the only kind of social life worth participating in. Laurie Colwin
• Friendship

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Cooking is a great way to be appreciated by others …

• I cook to inspire my husband to pay attention to me. Sonia Rumzi
• Every so often I would look at my women friends who were happily married and didn’t cook, and I would always find myself wondering how they did it. Would anyone love me if I couldn’t cook? I always thought cooking was part of the package: Step right up, it’s Rachel Samstat, she’s bright, she’s funny and she can cook! Nora Ephron, Heartburn
• Cooking for people is an enormously significant expression of generosity and soulfulness, and entertaining is a way to be both generous and creative. You’re sharing your life with people. Of course, it’s also an expression of your own need for approval and applause. Nothing wrong with that. Ted Allen
• Appreciation

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… and a great way to seduce the opposite sex

• I found that if I offered to cook for a girl, my odds improved radically over simply asking a girl out. Through my efforts to attract the opposite sex, I found that not only did cooking work, but that it was actually fun. Alton Brown
• Kissing don’t last: cookery do. George Meredith
• There is no spectacle on earth more appealing than that of a beautiful woman in the act of cooking dinner for someone she loves. Thomas Wolfe
• Whoever heard of a man getting a divorce from a woman who was a good cook? Kin Hubbard
• Nobody thinks it’s silly to invest two hours’ work in two minutes’ enjoyment; but if cooking is evanescent, well, so is the ballet. Julia Child
• Seduction

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Cooking is a celebration of great food

• There is no love sincerer than the love of food. George Bernard Shaw
• Food, glorious food! Lionel Bart
• Great food is like great sex. The more you have, the more you want. Gael Greene
• Good cooking tempts the appetite. Rabbi Ada
• Celebration,  Food

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Cooking is one of the simple pleasures of life

• The small things of life were often so much bigger than the great things… the trivial pleasure like cooking, one’s home, little poems especially sad ones, solitary walks, funny things seen and overheard. Barbara Pym
• Savour life’s simple pleasures

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Cooking has become cool

• The cool thing is that now that people have made this evolution where cooking is cool, people are doing it on weekends, they’re doing their own challenges. It’s back to cooking. And it’s real cooking. Emeril Lagasse

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Cooking can help keep you sane

• If you are careful,’ Garp wrote, ‘if you use good ingredients, and you don’t take any shortcuts, then you can usually cook something very good. Sometimes it is the only worthwhile product you can salvage from a day; what you make to eat. With writing, I find, you can have all the right ingredients, give plenty of time and care, and still get nothing. Also true of love. Cooking, therefore, can keep a person who tries hard sane. John Irving, The World According to Garp
• Insanity

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Cooking is a great metaphor for life

• An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it makes a better soup. H. L. Mencken
• Talk does not cook rice. Chinese proverb
• Looking back on so many mistakes, a lifetime creator only smiles. She pats herself on the back and announces, “I got lots of shells in my omelettes. But I never stopped cooking. And look, I did some good work, didn’t I?” Tal Ben- Shahar
• Life is a combination of magic and pasta. Federico Fellini
• Govern a family as you would cook a small fish — very gently. Chinese Proverb
• Advise the ruler to govern the state as one cooks a small fish – that is, don’t turn it so often in the pan that it disintegrates. Lao Tzu
• Governing a great nation is like cooking a small fish – too much handling will spoil it. Lao Tzu
• Metaphors to live by

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Good cooking and food is a lot like good sex

• He’d noticed that sex bore some resemblance to cookery: it fascinated people, they sometimes bought books full of complicated recipes and interesting pictures, and sometimes when they were really hungry they created vast banquets in their imagination – but at the end of the day they’d settle quite happily for egg and chips. If it was well done and maybe had a slice of tomato. Terry Pratchett
• For flavour, instant sex will never supersede the stuff you have to peel and cook. Quentin Crisp
• Cooking is like making love, you do it well, or you do not do it at all. Harriet van Horne
• Cooking is like love. It should be entered into with abandon or not at all. Harriet van Horne
• Great food is like great sex. The more you have, the more you want. Gael Greene
• Sexuality

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Cooking is an art …

• In France, cooking is a serious art form and a national sport. Julia Child
• Cookery is a wholly unselfish art: All good cooks, like all great artists, must have an audience worth cooking for. Andre Simon
• Cookery is not chemistry. It is an art. It requires instinct and taste rather than exact measurements. Marcel Boulestin
• The preparation of good food is merely another expression of art, one of the joys of civilized living. Dione Lucas
• If cooking becomes an art form rather than a means of providing a reasonable diet, then something is clearly wrong. Tom Jaine
• No matter how much creativity goes into it, cooking is an art. Or perhaps I should say a craft. It abides by absolute rules, physics, chemistry, etc. and that means that unless you understand the science you cannot reach the art. We’re not talking about painting here. Cooking’s more like engineering. I happen to think that there is great beauty in great engineering. Alton Brown
• It is the art of cooking that makes the distinction of man and the lower animals; and a good cook who has a thorough knowledge of his art, should be entirely devoted to the gratification of taste, and the preservation of health. Ude
• Art

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… and some would say it’s a science too

• When we decode a cookbook, every one of us is a practicing chemist. Cooking is really the oldest, most basic application of physical and chemical forces to natural materials. Arthur E. Grosser
• I approach cooking from a science angle because I need to understand how things work. If I understand the egg, I can scramble it better. It’s a simple as that. Alton Brown
• When people think science and cooking, they have no idea that it’s not correctly expressed. We’re actually applying the scientific method. People think chemistry and physics are science, but the scientific method is something else…. It’s the science that the world of cooking generates: science of butter; science of the croissant. Ferran Adria
• Science

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An important ingredient in cooking is passion

• Cooking is about passion, so it may look slightly temperamental in a way that it’s too assertive to the naked eye. Gordon Ramsay
• Cooking is like love. It should be entered into with abandon or not at all. Harriet Van Horne
• I can tell in two minutes if I should hire someone in the kitchen. Two minutes. It’s his desire. It’s that open-eyed, attentive expression. If he doesn’t have it … I mean, I can teach a chimp how to cook dinner. But I cannot teach a chimp how to love it. Mario Batali
• I like a cook who smiles out loud when he tastes his own work. Let God worry about your modesty; I want to see your enthusiasm. Robert Farrar Capon
• The secret of good cooking is, first, having a love of it… If you’re convinced that cooking is drudgery, you’re never going to be good at it, and you might as well warm up something frozen. James Beard
• Passion

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An important ingredient in cooking is patience and plenty of time

• Patience is the secret to good food. Gail Simmons
• Cooking is not about convenience and it’s not about shortcuts. Our hunger for the twenty-minute gourmet meal, for one- pot ease and prewashed, pre-cut ingredients has severed our lifeline to the satisfactions of cooking. Take your time. Take a long time. Move slowly and deliberately and with great attention. Thomas Keller
• All cooking is a matter of time. In general, the more time the better. John Erskine
• Cooking is not about convenience and it’s not about shortcuts. Our hunger for the twenty-minute gourmet meal, for one- pot ease and prewashed, precut ingredients has severed our lifeline to the satisfactions of cooking. Take your time. Take a long time. Move slowly and deliberately and with great attention. Thomas Keller
• Patience

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An important ingredient in cooking is balance

• Balance is key in cooking – you want a little acid, a little sweet, a little savory – the flavours should be harmonious. Gail Simmons
• Balance

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An important ingredient in cooking is simplicity

• You don’t have to cook fancy or complicated masterpieces – just good food from fresh ingredients. Julia Child
• Cuisine has become too complicated — this is about subject, verb, adjective: duck, turnips, sauce. Alain Ducasse
• The greatest dishes are very simple. Auguste Escoffier
• The very common error of young or unconfident cooks is to keep putting more of their own personal ideology into a plate until there’s so much noise that you really can’t even hear a tune. You can say more in an empty space than you can in a crowded one. Mario Batali
• I don’t like gourmet cooking or “this” cooking or “that” cooking. I like good cooking. James Beard
• People want honest, flavourful food, not some show-off meal that takes days to prepare. Ted Allen
• Simplicity

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There’s no need to make it look too fancy

• Great cooking is about being inspired by the simple things around you — fresh markets, various spices. It doesn’t necessarily have to look fancy. Garvin
• I don’t like food that’s too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I’d buy a painting. Andy Rooney
• It’s so beautifully arranged on the plate — you know someone’s fingers have been all over it. Julia Child
• Food is to eat, not to frame and hang on the wall. William Denton
• Simplicity

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Use good, fresh ingredients

• Would it really be so bad if you slowed your life down even a teensy bit? If you took charge of the ingredients of your food instead of letting corporations stuff you and your family, like baby birds, full of sugar, corn products, chemicals, and meat from really, really unhappy animals? Catherine Friend
• You don’t have to cook fancy or complicated masterpieces – just good food from fresh ingredients. Julia Childs
• Love and eggs are best when they are fresh. Russian proverb

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Don’t be scared to use high calorie ingredients now and then

• If you’re afraid of butter, use cream. Julia Child
• Fat gives things flavour. Julia Childs
• A gourmet who thinks of calories is like a tart who looks at her watch. James

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Use plenty of onion

• Banish the onion from the kitchen and the pleasure flies with it. Elizabeth Robbins Pennell

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Use plenty of garlic

• There is no such thing as a little garlic.
• What garlic is to food, insanity is to art.
• Tomatoes and oregano make it Italian, wine and tarragon make it French, sour cream makes it Russian, lemon and cinnamon make it Greek, soy sauce makes it Chinese, garlic makes it good. Alice May Brock

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Don’t always feel like you need to follow the recipe

• I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself “well, that’s not going to happen. Rita Rudner
• If God had intended us to follow recipes, He wouldn’t have given us grandmothers. Linda Henley
• I feel a recipe is only a theme, which an intelligent cook can play each time with a variation. Madam Benoit
• Cooking is the art of adjustment. Jacques Pepin
• Cookery is not chemistry. It is an art. It requires instinct and taste rather than exact measurements. Marcel Boulestin
• You may say, “Oh, no. You can’t touch a traditional recipe.” But we ask: why can’t you? Back in 1350, a vinaigrette was a stew, so we ask, why not? This can be applied to any kind of cooking, and that’s the shocking part of it. It kind of bends all the traditions. It’s a good thing. Ferran Adria
• You learn to cook so that you don’t have to be a slave to recipes. You get what’s in season and you know what to do with it. Julia Child

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Improvise, experiment and mix things up …

• Pick a part of your life that’s become static, perhaps stale—such as cooking, a job, housework, repetitive parts of parenting, even sex—and really pursue ways to pep it up. Try new dishes, turn up the music, get goofy, dance with the baby, vary your routines, and so on. Rick Hanson
• I’m a firm believer that the world should be your oyster when you’re cooking. People should open themselves to other cuisines – there are a lot of hidden secrets all over the world. Yotam Ottolenghi
• I wish my stove came with a Save As button like Word has. That way I could experiment with my cooking and not fear ruining my dinner. Jarod Kintz
• Cooking requires confident guesswork and improvisation– experimentation and substitution, dealing with failure and uncertainty in a creative way. Paul Theroux
• The discovery of a new dish does more for the happiness of mankind than the discovery of a star. Anthelme Brillat-Savarin
• Experimentation

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… but not always

• If you’re preparing a dinner for friends or a holiday dinner, make sure to only prepare recipes you are comfortable with and have cooked before. Cooking for others is not the time to try out a recipe for the first time. You end up spending all your time in the kitchen instead of enjoying your company. Rachel Ray

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Learn by doing

• …no one is born a great cook, one learns by doing. Julia Child
• Learning

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Learn from your mistakes …

• Maybe the cat has fallen into the stew, or the lettuce has frozen, or the cake has collapsed. Eh bien, tant pis. Usually one’s cooking is better than one thinks it is. And if the food is truly vile, then the cook must simply grit her teeth and bear it with a smile, and learn from her mistakes. Julia Child
• Mistakes

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… and don’t be afraid of failure

• The only thing that will make a soufflé fall is if it knows you’re afraid of it. James Beard
• The only real stumbling block is fear of failure. In cooking you’ve got to have a what-the-hell attitude. Julia Child
• Failure

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Taste as you go

• ‘Tis an ill cook that cannot lick his own fingers. William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet
• When baking, follow directions. When cooking, go by your own taste. Laiko Bahrs
• Do not taste food while you’re cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it. Phyllis Diller

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Drink while you cook

• Drink while you cook. Make it fun. Gwyneth Paltrow
• I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food. W.C. Fields

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Be present and mindful while you cook

• The practice of Zen is to eat, breathe, cook, carry water, and scrub the toilet — to infuse every act of body, speech, and mind — with mindfulness, to illuminate every leaf and pebble, every heap of garbage, every path that leads to our mind’s return home. Thich Nhat Hanh
• Oh, I adore to cook. It makes me feel so mindless in a worthwhile way. Truman Capote
• Now, slow down and enjoy every task. Whatever you’re doing, whether it’s a work task or taking a shower or brushing your teeth or cooking dinner or driving to work, slow down. Try to enjoy whatever you’re doing. Try to pay attention, instead of thinking about other things. Be in the moment. This isn’t easy, as you will often forget. But find a way to remind yourself. Unless the task involves actual pain, there isn’t anything that can’t be enjoyable if you give it the proper attention. Leo Babauta
• In your everyday life, you always have opportunities for enlightenment. If you go to the rest room, there is a chance to attain enlightenment. When you cook, there is a chance to attain enlightenment. When you clean the floor, there is a chance to attain enlightenment. Shunryu Suzuki
• One person cooking at home cannot pay attention to too many things. If a woman makes three dishes, she will get nervous on the first, the second will suffer and the third will be a disaster. Rene Veaux
• Presence,  Mindfulness

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Don’t overcook seafood

• Most seafoods should be simply threatened with heat and then celebrated with joy. Jeff Smith
• Govern a family as you would cook a small fish — very gently. Chinese Proverb
• Advise the ruler to govern the state as one cooks a small fish – that is, don’t turn it so often in the pan that it disintegrates. Lao Tzu
• Governing a great nation is like cooking a small fish – too much handling will spoil it. Lao Tzu

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Share ideas with other cooks

• One of the delights of life is eating with friends; second to that is talking about eating. And, for an unsurpassed double whammy, there is talking about eating while you are eating with friends. People who like to cook like to talk about food. Plain old cooks (as opposed to the geniuses in fancy restaurants) tend to be friendly. After all, without one cook giving another cook a tip or two, human life might have died out a long time ago. Laurie Colwin
• Ideas,  Sharing

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Try to encourage your guests to arrive hungry

• Hunger finds no fault with the cooking. Proverb
• Hunger is the best sauce in the world. Cervantes
• Hungry men think the cook lazy.
• An empty belly is the best cook. Estonian Proverb

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Here are some more useful tips for cooking

• Always start out with a larger pot than what you think you need. Julia Child
• When it comes to cooking pasta, the first essential is to make sure you have a big enough pot: it needs room to roll in the water while cooking. Yotam Ottolenghi
• Invest in what’s real. Clean as you go. Drink while you cook. Make it fun. It doesn’t have to be complicated. It will be what it will be. Gwyneth Paltrow
• In the abstract art of cooking, ingredients trump appliances, passion supersedes expertise, creativity triumphs over technique, spontaneity inspires invention, and wine makes even the worst culinary disaster taste delicious. Bob Blumer

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Cook for yourself …

• Because cooks love the social aspect of food, cooking for one is intrinsically interesting. A good meal is like a present, and it can feel goofy, at best, to give yourself a present. On the other hand, there is something life affirming in taking the trouble to feed yourself well, or even decently. Cooking for yourself allows you to be strange or decadent or both. The chances of liking what you make are high, but if it winds up being disgusting, you can always throw it away and order a pizza; no one else will know. In the end, the experimentation, the impulsiveness, and the invention that such conditions allow for will probably make you a better cook. Jenni Ferrari-Adler

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… and cook for others

• Cooking for people is an enormously significant expression of generosity and soulfulness, and entertaining is a way to be both generous and creative. You’re sharing your life with people. Of course, it’s also an expression of your own need for approval and applause. Nothing wrong with that. Ted Allen

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Thoughts on cooking and the sexes

• When men reach their sixties and retire, they go to pieces. Women go right on cooking. Gail Sheehy
• It can be exhausting eating a meal cooked by a man. With a woman, it’s, Ho hum, pass the beans. A guy, you have to act like he just built the Taj Mahal. Deb Caletti
• To the old saying that man built the house but woman made of it a ”home” might be added the modern supplement that woman accepted cooking as a chore but man has made of it a recreation. Emily Post
• The most casual examination will reveal the fact that all the jokes about the horrible results of masculine cooking and sewing are written by men. It is all part of a great scheme of sex propaganda. Heywood C. Broun
• Most women enjoy cooking, especially when it is done by the chef of a good restaurant. Evan Esar
• There is no spectacle on earth more appealing than that of a beautiful woman in the act of cooking dinner for someone she loves. Thomas Wolfe

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Baking is a wonderful form of cooking …

• Bread baking is one of those almost hypnotic businesses, like a dance from some ancient ceremony. It leaves you filled with one of the world’s sweetest smells… there is no chiropractic treatment, no Yoga exercise, no hour of meditation in a music-throbbing chapel, that will leave you emptier of bad thoughts than this homely ceremony of making bread. M.F.K. Fisher
• When baking, follow directions. When cooking, go by your own taste. Laiko Bahrs
• Instead of deadlines and dread, my home now smells like strawberry-apple bread and joy. I should bake more often. Dr. SunWolf
• The smell of good bread baking, like the sound of lightly flowing water, is indescribable in its evocation of innocence and delight… Bread making is one of those almost hypnotic businesses, like a dance from some ancient ceremony. It leaves you filled with one of the world’s sweetest smells… there is no chiropractic treatment, no Yoga exercise, no hour of meditation in a music-throbbing chapel. that will leave you emptier of bad thoughts than this homely ceremony of making bread.  F.K. Fisher

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… that also has its differences

• Cooking involves a deadline and hungry people and ingredients that expire in a week. It’s stressful. Cooking happens on the stove and on the clock. Baking happens with ingredients that last for months and come to life inside a warm oven. Baking is slow and leisurely. Regina Brett
• When baking, follow directions. When cooking, go by your own taste. Laiko Bahrs

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Being a bad cook or non-existent cook

• When people smell my cooking, they always ask what’s thawing.
• The best sauce is cooked in an old pan. African Proverb
• There is no one who would have me – I can’t cook. Greta Garbo
• The French cook; we open tins. John Galsworthy
• “It is better to return a borrowed pot with a little something you last cooked in it. Native American Proverb
• “They say that a good cook can ignite sparks by the way he kisses. The way I see, just because a guy can turn on the stove doesn’t necessarily make him a good cook. Stefanie Powers
• News is like food: it is the cooking and serving that makes it acceptable, not the material itself. Rose McCaulay
• There is one thing more exasperating than a wife who can cook and won’t, and that’s a wife who can’t cook and will. Robert Frost
• I was 32 when I started cooking; up until then, I just ate. Julia Child
• My wife can’t cook at all. She made chocolate mousse; an antler got stuck in my throat. Rodney Dangerfield
• When compelled to cook, I produce a meal that would make a sword swallower gag. Russell Baker
• My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. Henny Youngman
• My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. Phyllis Diller
• It ain’t burnt, Rosemary, it’s blackened. Bunny Mathews
• Dear, don’t expect the first meals to be good. It takes time to find the right restaurants.
• Cooking Rule… If at first you don’t succeed, order pizza.
• Many a newlywed cooks just the way her husband had better like it. Evan Esar
• I don’t even butter my bread; I consider that cooking. Katherine Cebrian
• What the modern bride doesn’t know would fill a book–a cookbook. Evan Esar
• I bet you cook good, huh?” Darlene asked. “Mother doesn’t cook,” Ignatius said dogmatically. “She burns.” John Kennedy Toole
• I go out to the kitchen to feed the dog, but that’s about as much cooking as I do. Betty White
• I’m one of those modern cooks. My favourite recipe is heat and eat.
• The saddest thing in life is to marry a woman who looks like a cook–and isn’t. Evan Esar
• Her cooking is the missionary position of cooking. That is how everybody starts. Egon Ronay
• The man who claims he’d rather make love to his wife than eat is probably married to a poor cook. Evan Esar
• I use the smoke alarm as a food timer.
• This recipe is certainly silly; it says to separate two eggs, but it doesn’t say how far to separate them. Gracie Allen
• One night she told me to put out the garbage; I told her “you cooked it, you take it out. Rodney Dangerfield
• I’m not going to say my wife can’t cook, but should toast have bones? Rodney Dangerfield
• She did not so much cook food as assassinate food. Storm Jameson
• My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves. Rodney Dangerfield
• In England, there are sixty different religions and only one sauce. Francis Caracciolo
• My wife’s a bad cook; the other night, she fixed alphabet soup – it spelled out “Help!” Rodney Dangerfield
• I use a smoke alarm as a timer. Joan Rivers
• Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother’s tasted better the day before. Rita Rudner
• Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen. Woody Allen
• My wife has to be the worst cook; her specialty is indigestion. Rodney Dangerfield
• I tell ya, my wife’s a lousy cook… after dinner, I don’t brush my teeth, I count them. Rodney Dangerfield
• Why, her cooking is so bad that the flies pitched in to fix the screen door. Rodney Dangerfield
• My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow. Rita Rudner
• Homemade meals—especially mommy meals—are life’s most pleasant fuel. Terri Guillemets
• I always think if you have to cook once, it should feed you twice. If you’re going to make a big chicken and vegetable soup for lunch on Monday, you stick it in the refrigerator and it’s also for Wednesday’s dinner. Curtis Stone
• You can’t make a soufflé rise twice. Alice Roosevelt Longworth
• Ever since Eve started it all by offering Adam the apple, woman’s punishment has been to supply a man with food then suffer the consequences when it disagrees with him. Helen Rowland

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More light hearted quotes

• To make my meal in a box taste better, I decided to tweak the logo, rather than the ingredients. Jarod Kintz
• The only time to eat diet food is while you’re waiting for the steak to cook.
• The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. Calvin Trillin
• Without rice, even the cleverest housewife cannot cook. Chinese Proverb
• Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin. P.J. O’Rourke
• The honeymoon’s over when you realize that everything she says or cooks disagrees with you.
• A cucumber should be well sliced, and dressed with pepper and vinegar, and then thrown out, as good for nothing. Samuel Johnson
• It must be hard to cook if you anthropomorphisize your vegetables. Bill Watterson, The Complete Calvin and Hobbes
• The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books – how not to eat what you’ve just learned how to cook. Andy Rooney
• The difference between a chef and a cook is the difference between a wife and a prostitute. Cooks do meals for people they know and love. Chefs do it anonymously for anyone who’s got the price. A. Gill
• Sometimes when I’m faced with an atheist, I am tempted to invite him to the greatest gourmet dinner that one could ever serve, and when we have finished eating that magnificent dinner, to ask him if he believes there’s a cook. Ronald Reagan
• Nature: a place where birds fly around uncooked. Oscar Wilde
• The way you make an omelet reveals your character. Anthony Bourdain
• Tis an ill cook that cannot lick his own fingers. William Shakespeare
• Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence. Erma Bombeck
• Vegetarians, and their Hezbollah-like splinter faction, the vegans … are the enemy of everything good and decent in the human spirit. Anthony Bourdain
• Life is too short for self-hatred and celery sticks. Marilyn Wann
• There is such a buildup of crud in my oven there is only room to bake a single cupcake. Phyllis Diller
• Music with dinner is an insult both to the cook and the violinist. G.K. Chesterton
• It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: “THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE.” Loosely translated, this means, “You’re on your own, Bernice. Erma Bombeck
• There is no such thing as a little garlic.
• What garlic is to food, insanity is to art.
• There is no such thing as a pretty good omelette. French Proverb
• A gourmet who thinks of calories is like a tart who looks at her watch. James Beard
• Its bad manners to talk with your mouth full, unless you’re praising your wife’s cooking.
• Recipe For Chili: Put a pot of chili on the stove to simmer. Let it simmer. Meanwhile, broil a good steak. Eat the steak. Let the chili simmer. Ignore it. Allan Shivers
• Life is too short to stuff a mushroom. Storm Jameson
• I wish my stove came with a Save As button like Word has. That way I could experiment with my cooking and not fear ruining my dinner. Jarod Kintz
• I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself “well, that’s not going to happen. Rita Rudner
• If God had intended us to follow recipes, He wouldn’t have given us grandmothers. Linda Henley
• I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food. W.C. Fields
• I bought a book for my girlfriend called cheap and easy cooking for vegetarians which is ideal for her because she is a vegetarian and …
• Heaven is an English policeman, a French cook, a German engineer, an Italian lover and everything organised by the Swiss. Hell is an English cook, a French engineer, a German policeman, a Swiss lover and everything organised by the Italians. John Elliott
• Hey baby, do you like fine cooking? Cause you know what? I got Swanson’s Dinner in the freezer with your name on it. Jimmy Fallon
• Too many people work up a head of steam before they find out what’s cooking.
• Where there’s smoke, there’s toast.
• Even were a cook to cook a fly, he would keep the breast for himself. Polish Proverb
• Fish, to taste right, must swim three times -in water, in butter and in wine. Polish Proverb
• God sends meat and the devil sends cooks. Thomas Deloney (1543-1600)
• It’s so beautifully arranged on the plate you know someone’s fingers have been all over it. Julia Child on nouvelle cuisine
• Don’t eat anything your great-great grandmother wouldn’t recognize as food. Michael Pollan
• I’ve noticed that lately when I call my kids for dinner they run to the car. Julie Kidd
• Char: Common method of cooking over a campfire.
• A gourmet who thinks of calories is like a tart who looks at her watch. James Beard
• No matter how many beautifully crafted, near-to-perfection baked goods you crank out on a regular basis, the moment one such item becomes required in some official capacity, it will flop. A Murphy’s Law of the Kitchen
• She was a good cook, as cooks go; and as cooks go, she went. ‘Saki’ H.H. Munro
• The wonderful world of home appliances now makes it possible to cook indoors with charcoal and outdoors with gas. Bill Vaughn
• Fettuccine Alfredo: Macaroni and cheese for adults.
• You are always complimented on the item that took the least effort to prepare. Example: If you make roast turkey, you will be complimented on the baked potato. Third Law of Kitchen Confusion
• Once a dish is fouled up, anything added to save it only makes it worse. Second Law of Kitchen Confusion
• The only thing worse than a husband who never notices what you cook or what you wear is a husband who always notices what you cook and what you wear. Sandra Litoff’s First Rule on Husbands
• Square meals often make round people. E. Joseph Cossman
• I think that women just have a primeval instinct to make soup, which they will try to foist on anybody who looks like a likely candidate. Dylan Moran
• Preheat: To turn on the heat in an oven for a period of time before cooking a dish, so that the fingers may be burned when the food is put in, in addition to when it is removed.
• In a family recipe that you discovered in an old book, the most vital measurement will be illegible. First Law of Kitchen Confusion
• Oven: Compact home incinerator used for disposing of bulky pieces of meat and poultry.
• How do you like yer possum… fallin’ off the bones tender or with a little fight left in it? Irene Ryan
• When my mother had to get dinner for eight she’d just make enough for 16 and only serve half. Gracie Allen
• How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue…and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? … where does the glue go? Rita Rudner
• In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe. Carl Sagan
• My mother was the worst cook ever; in school, when we traded lunches, I had to throw in an article of clothing. Rita Rudner
• Chef: A man with a big enough vocabulary to give the soup a different name every day.
• Marge, your cooking only has two moves: Shake and Bake. Homer Simpson
• While it may be true that a watched pot never boils, the one you don’t keep and eye on can make an awful mess on your stove. Edward Stevenson
• Gourmet: A food fetishist.
• My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it. Buddy Hackett

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