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Nowadays, divorce is more the rule than the exception…

• Nowadays love is a matter of chance, matrimony a matter of money and divorce a matter of course. Helen Rowland
• I think that the divorce rate’s over 50% for a reason. I don’t think people are taking enough time now to really see if they can make it work and live together. Channing Tatum
• I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something’s wrong with me. Elayne Boosler
• Break up,  Marriage,  Infidelity,  Grief

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… making many cynical about marriage

• The snag about marriage is, it isn´t worth the divorce. Suzanne Finnamore
• A divorcée is a woman who got married so she didn’t have to work, but now works so she doesn’t have to get married. Anna Magnani
• Divorce is the second worst event in a person’s life. The worst event, of course, is marriage. Jarod Kintz
• Take this marriage thing seriously—it has to last all the way to the divorce. Roseanne Barr
• Divorce is the price people play for playing with matches. Evan Esar
• Marriage

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Some argue that the ease with which we get divorced makes us take marriage less seriously

• I harbor ill feelings toward a society, and a clergy, that allows marriage partners to split over the smallest incompatibility, where divorce comes in a multitude of flavors, like Baskin Robbins ice cream, where men and women can blame one another and everything except themselves for matrimony’s mess. They look for externals over which they have no control and, fingering them, take no responsibility. Robert Dykstra
• The obvious effect of frivolous divorce will be frivolous marriage. If people can be separated for no reason they will feel it all the easier to be united for no reason. G. K. Chesterton
• It’s easier to get a divorce than pass the driving test. Now it’s just a basic form-filling exercise. Sir Paul Coleridge

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Divorce comes from trying to force a marriage to fit a stereotype

• The problem of unmet expectations in marriage is primarily a problem of stereotyping. Each and every human being on this planet is a unique person. Since marriage is inevitably a relationship between two unique people, no one marriage is going to be exactly like any other. Yet we tend to wed with explicit visions of what a “good” marriage ought to be like. Then we suffer enormously from trying to force the relationship to fit the stereotype and from the neurotic guilt and anger we experience when we fail to pull it off. M. Scott Peck

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Divorce can come from incessant quarrelling and also from not quarrelling enough

• Many married couples separate because they quarrel incessantly, but just as many separate because they were never honest enough or courageous enough to quarrel when they should have. Sydney J. Harris
• An unresolved issue will be like a cancer with the potential to spread into other areas of your relationship, eroding the joy, lightness, love and beauty. Joyce Vissell

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Divorce comes from a thousand little irritations and disagreements that accumulate and aren’t wiped away

• Marriage isn’t a love affair. It isn’t even a honeymoon. It’s a job. A long hard job, at which both partners have to work, harder than they’ve worked at anything in their lives before. If it’s a good marriage, it changes, it evolves, but it does on getting better. But a bad marriage can dissolve in a welter of resentment and acrimony.  And it’s never one person’s fault. It’s the sum total of a thousand little irritations, disagreements, idiotic details that in a sound alliance would simply be disregarded or forgotten in the healing act of making love. Divorce isn’t a cure, it’s a surgical operation, even if there are no children to consider.  Rosamunde Pilcher

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Divorce comes from not allowing each other space to change and grow

• The key to long-term relationships is letting someone be different today than they were yesterday. I think one of the main reasons for divorce is that couples don’t always create the emotional space between them to allow for constant and continuous change.  When people say, “We grew apart,” it’s often a sign that when they entered the marriage, their emotional contract didn’t include this clause:  “I’ll let you grow.  You’ll let me grow.  We’ll learn from each other, and we can grow together.  Marianne Williamson
• Growth,  Change

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Divorce can come from infidelity …

• Divorce is the sacrament of adultery. French Proverb
• Infidelity

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… and a host of other causes and motives

• Divorce is the result of a lack of preparation for marriage and the failure to learn the skills of working together as teammates in an intimate relationship. Gary Chapman
• Many divorces are not really the result of irreparable injury but involve, instead, a desire on the part of the man or woman to shatter the setup, start out from scratch alone, and make life work for them all over again. They want the risk of disaster, want to touch bottom, see where bottom is, and, coming up, to breathe the air with relief and relish again. Edward Hoagland
• Marriage problems are relationship problems, they are the result of how two people interact with each other. You may abandon a troubled marriage, but you will still bring the way you interact with others along with you. Mark Gungor
• Why did we divorce? I guess you could say we had trouble synchronizing. You know that carnival ride where two cages swing in opposite directions, going higher and higher until they go over the top? That was us. We passed each other all the time, but we never actually stopped in the same place until it was time to get off the ride. Diane Hammond
• It wasn’t about being happy or unhappy. I just didn’t want to be me anymore. Sarah Dessen

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The reasons we divorce someone are often the very reasons we married them in the first place

• If you made a list of reasons why any couple got married, and another list of the reasons for their divorce, you’d have a hell of a lot of overlapping. Mignon McLaughlin

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Cheat divorce by finding grounds to stay married

• In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find and continue to find grounds for marriage. Robert Anderson

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The remedy of most marital stress lies not in divorce but in giving and forgiving

• The remedy for most marital stress is not in divorce. It is in repentance and forgiveness, in sincere expressions of charity and service. It is not in separation. It is in simple integrity that leads a man and a woman to square up their shoulders and meet their obligations. It is found in the Golden Rule, a time- honored principle that should first and foremost find expression in marriage. Gordon B. Hinckley
• Giving,  Forgiveness

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Sometimes getting divorced is a better option than staying together

• When people divorce, it’s always such a tragedy. At the same time, if people stay together it can be even worse. Monica Bellucci
• We ruined each other by being together. We destroyed each other’s dreams. Kate Chisman
• Divorce is a fire exit. When a house is burning, it doesn’t matter who set the fire. If there is no fire exit, everyone in the house will be burned! Mehmet Murat Ildan

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Sometimes we are better off without our partner

• She will not be able to function if she remains with a man who derides her glory. Marianne Williamson
• Better to have loved and lost than to live with that crazy person the rest of your life.
• My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn’t.
• I should’ve known it wasn’t going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I’m a Libra and she’s a bitch.
• I was much happier after my divorce. My husband had been very controlling, and I literally felt like I’d been let out of prison. Colors were brighter, sounds sharper. My depression lifted. Samantha Waltz

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Sometimes children too are better off with their parents apart

• Divorce isn’t such a tragedy. A tragedy’s staying in an unhappy marriage, teaching your children the wrong things about love. Nobody ever died of divorce. Jennifer Weiner
• I know in my own marriage I stayed in it to provide my son with what I thought was a stable background and to give him what I thought was the family life a child should have with two parents. But that isn’t always the best way, and it took me taking my son to therapy after the divorce to really see it. Regina King

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Divorce can sometimes even come as a kind of relief

• You know why divorces are so expensive? Because they’re worth it. Henny Youngman
• “Bad divorce?” Hardy asked, his gaze falling to my hands. I realized I was clutching my purse in a death grip. “No, the divorce was great,” I said. “It was the marriage that sucked. Lisa Kleypas
• The happiest time of anyone’s life is just after the first divorce. John Kenneth Galbraith
• The only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers. Woody Allen

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Divorce doesn’t need to destroy families

• There is no such thing as a “broken family.” Family is family, and is not determined by marriage certificates, divorce papers, and adoption documents. Families are made in the heart. The only time family becomes null is when those ties in the heart are cut. If you cut those ties, those people are not your family. If you make those ties, those people are your family. And if you hate those ties, those people will still be your family because whatever you hate will always be with you. C. JoyBell C.
• Family

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Divorce can be a life experience to learn from

• Grown-ups are worried that they’re going to ruin their children’s lives, but divorce is just a life experience and you learn from it. Evan Stern
• Learning

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Divorce can be an opportunity to re-evaluate life

• There’s nothing like a family crisis, especially a divorce, to force a person to re-evaluate his life. Michael Douglas

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Divorce can be very hard psychologically …

• Divorce is the psychological equivalent of a triple coronary bypass. Mary Kay Blakely
• When you have to face up to the fact that marriage to the man you love is really over, that’s very tough, sheer agony. In that kind of harrowing situation, I always go away and cut myself off from the world. Also, I sober up immediately when there is genuine bad news in my life; I never face it with alcohol in my brain. I just rented a house in Palm Springs and sat there and just suffered for a couple of weeks. I suffered there until I was strong enough to face it. Ava Gardner, Ava: My Story
• Divorce is simply modern society’s version of medieval torture. Except it lasts longer and leaves deeper scars. A divorce releases the most primitive emotions; the ugliest, raw feelings. Emotionally wounded people do their best to inflict pain upon the other party, but rather than using claws they use divorce lawyers. William Shatner
• Heartbreak,  Pain,  Grief

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… and extremely stressful

• Divorce is one of the most stressful life events anyone goes through. Only the loss of a loved one and moving are even in its class, difficulty-wise–and divorcing generally involves both of those as well. Even when you are the one initiating the divorce, the enormous changes that result are bound to throw you off and leave you feeling, at the very least, a bit lost. Emily Doskow
• Life’s most stressful events: Death of a spouse.  2. Divorce.  3. Marital separation.  4. Imprisonment. Death of a close family member.  (Source: Holmes and Rahe stress scale)
• Stress

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Divorce is an experience of loss …

• The reality is that all relationships inevitably will be dissolved and broken. The ultimate price exacted for commitment to other human beings rests in the inescapable fact that loss and pain will be experienced when they are gone, even to the point of jeopardizing one’s physical health.  It is a toll that no one can escape, and a price that everyone will be forced to pay repeatedly.  Like the rise and fall of the ocean tides, disruptions of human relationships occur at regular intervals throughout life, and include the loss of parents, death of a mate, divorce, marital separation, death of family members, children leaving home, death of close friends, change of neighborhoods, and loss of acquaintances by retirement from work.  Infancy, adolescence, middle age, old age–all seasons of life involve human loss.  James J. Lynch
• Loss

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… and can feel like a kind of death …

• When you break up, your whole identity is shattered. That’s why it’s like death. It is a death. Dennis Quaid
• Divorce is probably as painful as death. William Shatner
• When you break up, your whole identity is shattered. That’s why it’s like death. It is a death. Dennis Quaid
• The marriage is over; counselling is the eulogy. The relationship autopsy is the wake. Suzanne Finnamore
• Divorce is probably as painful as death. William Shatner
• … you’re not dead—you’re dormant. Cheryl Nielsen
• Divorce is like death without a burial. Dane Cunningham
• Each divorce is the death of a small civilization. Pat Conroy
• Death

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… like a kind of amputation

• A divorce is like an amputation: you survive it, but there’s less of you. Margaret Atwood
• Divorce is like cutting off a gangrened arm to save the rest of the body. David Knox & Caroline Schacht
• The divorced person is like a man with a black patch over one eye: He looks rather dashing but the fact is that he has been through a maiming experience. Jo Coudert

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Divorce can bring heartbreak and grief

• Grief is the emotional contract of divorce. Cheryl Nielsen
• A heart can stop beating for a while, one can still live. Suzanne Finnamore
• Losing my mind, from this hollow in my heart. Mariah Carey
• Heartbreak,  Grief

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Divorce can feel like failure

• Divorce is an embarrassing public admission of defeat. Tracy Letts
• I hate failure and that divorce was a Number One failure in my eyes. It was the worst period of my life. Lucille Ball
• The mere thought of divorce terrified me. To me, divorce symbolized failure. Annette Funicello
• Failure

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Divorce can feel like a personal attack

• Losing a mate to death is devastating but it’s not a personal attack like divorce. When somebody you love stops loving you and walks away, it’s an insult beyond comparison. Sue Merrell

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Divorce can stir up guilt and blame …

• Going through a divorce is like having every aspect of your life played back. Anything you have mishandled or regretted is talked about by everyone as they try to figure out who was right and who the innocent party really is. The comfort you once experienced is gone completely. There are many choices for new comfort, but most of them have no value except introducing new addictions or pounds of fat or guilt. Kandace Cooper
• There is a rhythm to the ending of a marriage just like the rhythm of a courtship–only backward. You try to start again but get into blaming over and over. Finally you are both worn out, exhausted, hopeless. Then lawyers are called in to pick clean the corpses. The death has occurred much earlier. Erica Jong
• Blaming,  Guilt

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… and stir up bitterness and even hate …

• Many a woman would get a divorce if she could do it without making her husband happy. Evan Esar
• There was a time when I thought I loved my first wife more than life itself. But now I hate her guts. I do. How do you explain that? What happened to that love? What happened to it, is what I’d like to know. I wish someone could tell me. Raymond Carver
• I try not to think of divorce as failing at marriage but rather winning at bitterness and resentment.
• Hate

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… often fuelled by divorce lawyers

• Asking the legal system to resolve divorce is like asking a boxing coach to be our marriage counsellor. Warren Farrell
• Emotionally wounded people do their best to inflict pain upon the other party, but rather than using claws they use divorce lawyers. William Shatner
• Divorce lawyers stoke anger and fear in their clients, knowing that as long as the conflicts remain unresolved the revenue stream will keep flowing. Craig Ferguson
• A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce, anymore than a good mortician wants to finish his job and then have the patient sit up on the table. Jean Kerr

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Divorce can tear families apart

• But in the real world, you couldn’t really just split a family down the middle, mom on one side, dad the other, with the child equally divided between. It was like when you ripped a piece of paper into two: no matter how you tried, the seams never fit exactly right again. It was what you couldn’t see, those tiniest of pieces, that were lost in the severing, and their absence kept everything from being complete. Sarah Dessen

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Divorce can be financially traumatic too …

• Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand. Shinichi Suzuki
• Divorce is the one human tragedy that reduces everything to cash. Rita Mae Brown
• Divorce is one of the most financially traumatic things you can go through. Money spent on getting mad or getting even is money wasted. Richard Wagner
• Ah, yes, divorce . . . from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet. Robin Williams

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… except for the lawyers who can be greatly enriched by it

• Whoever said Marriage is a 50-50 proposition laid the foundation for more divorce fees than any other short sentence in our language. Austin Elliot
• Let’s be blunt: If you hire a divorce lawyer today, there is a good chance you will hire a bankruptcy lawyer within two or three years. Gene Meyer
• Divorce is a game played by lawyers. Cary Grant

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The financial costs of divorce make some quite cynical

• My mother always said don’t marry for money, divorce for money. Wendy Liebman
• Instead of getting married again, I’m just going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house. Lewis Grizzard
• If you think you have trouble supporting a wife, try not supporting her.
• Divorced men are more likely to meet their car payments than their child support obligations. Susan Faludi
• A lot of people have asked me how short I am. Since my last divorce, I think I’m about $100,000 short. Mickey Rooney
• Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse. Groucho Marx
• She cried—and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.  Tommy Manville
• I don’t think I’ll get married again; I’ll just find a woman I don’t like and give her a house. Lewis Grizzard
• Marriage is grand. Divorce is about twenty grand. Jay Leno

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Divorce is usually hardest when there are children involved

• For a couple with young children, divorce seldom comes as a “solution” to stress, only as a way to end one form of pain and accept another. Fred Rogers
• How hard it is sometimes to really separate from your former spouse when you share children. Molly Monet

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Children can be the greatest casualties of all from a divorce …

• When mom and dad went to war the only prisoners they took were the children. Pat Conroy
• The thing that experts agree on is that although divorce is difficult and stressful for kids no matter what, the real harm to kids comes from being subjected to conflict between parents. The longer that lasts, and the more severe it is, the worse it is for your children. If you truly want to shield your children from the pain of divorce, recognize that the more you take the high road with your spouse, the better job you’ll do. Emily Doskow
• Mom hates dad, Dad hates mom, it all makes you feel so sad. Kurt Cobain

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… but they don’t have to be

• I’ve been through divorce and will always be a “divorced kid”…. For me, my parent’s divorce was hard at first, but I overcame my sadness and my fears about it. I know that my parents are happier apart. And I’m happy with the way things are, too…. Divorce can sometimes be for the better. You may end up with happier parents, and you will definitely learn a lot about yourself! And that’s the whole point of growing up. So if you think about it, there are reasons to be happy about this experience, if you can learn and grow from it. Zoe Stern
• The best advice I have for other parents going through a divorce is that the kids need to know that both of their parents are good people. It’s easy to set the example of kindness and love and respect when the things are good. So if you can do that when things are hard, and wholeheartedly support their relationship with the other parent–you’re showing them a certain kind of resiliency. Bradly Whitford

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Do your utmost to protect the psychological welfare of your children

• Divorce isn’t the child’s fault. Don’t say anything unkind about your ex to the child, because you’re really just hurting the child. Valerie Bertinelli
• The arrangements that couples make in order to maintain civility in the midst of their journey to divorce are often most elaborate when the professed top priority is to protect a child. John Irving

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Do your utmost to put aside your anger and grief and co-operate on the big issues

• No matter how you slice it, divorce is expensive and time-consuming. The most important variable is how well you and your spouse are able to put aside your anger and grief and cooperate on the big issues of money and children. The better you are at working together to make decisions for your changing family structure, the better for your bank account and for your chances of emerging from the divorce with a decent relationship with your ex. Emily Doskow
• Anger,  Grief, Cooperation

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After divorce, the greatest healing comes from letting go …

• All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on. Havelock Ellis
• Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself. Deborah Reber
• When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. Lao Tzu
• Letting go and letting God.
• Some people think that it’s holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it’s letting go.
• Some of us think holding on makes us strong but sometimes it is letting go. Hermann Hesse
• What happens when you let go, when your strength leaves you and you sink into darkness, when there’s nothing that you or anyone else can do, no matter how desperate you are, no matter how you try? Perhaps it’s then, when you have neither pride nor power, that you are saved, brought to an unimaginably great reward. Mark Halperin
• Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it. Ann Landers
• Healing, Letting go

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… letting go of the past …

• In the process of letting go you will lose many things from the past, but you will find yourself. It will be a permanent Self, rooted in awareness and creativity. Once you have captured this, you have captured the world. Deepak Chopra
• The knowledge of the past stays with us. To let go is to release the images and emotions, the grudges and fears, the clingings and disappointments of the past that bind our spirit. Jack Kornfield
• Today expect something good to happen to you no matter what occurred yesterday. Realize the past no longer holds you captive. It can only continue to hurt you if you hold on to it. Let the past go. A simply abundant world awaits. Sarah Ban Breathnach
• The past

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… and realising that there is a future for you

• Holding on is believing that there’s only a past; letting go is knowing that there’s a future. Daphne Rose Kingma
• We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us. Joseph Campbell
• Good things fall apart so better things can fall together.
• All endings are also beginnings. We just don’t know it at the time.  Mitch Albom
• The best is yet to come.
• When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. Lao Tzu
• What we wait around a lifetime for with one person, we can find in a moment with someone else. ~Stephanie Klein

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Learn to forgive

• Inner peace can be reached only when we practice forgiveness. Forgiveness is letting go of the past, and is therefore the means for correcting our misperceptions. Gerald Jampolsky
• The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward. Steve Maraboli
• Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got. Robert Brault
• People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what’s bitter and move on. Bill Cosby
• Forgiveness,  Self-forgiveness

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Learn to accept

• The loss of love is not nearly painful as our resistance to accepting it is.
• Acceptance

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Learn to live with uncertainty for a while

• I don’t know where I’m going but I’m on my way. Carl Sandburg
• Let go of the need for certainty

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The best way to deal with the pain is face it and go through it

• The path of least resistance just makes the road longer. Sometimes you have to head straight on into the pain to come out the other side.
• The only way is through.
• What I wanted on the other side of all this pain wasn’t to win, to be right, or even just to be able to claim the cruddy consolation prize of being the one who was wronged. What I wanted was peace. Stacy Morrison

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Remember that all things pass

• This too shall pass.
• Expect trouble as an inevitable part of life and repeat to yourself, the most comforting words of all: this, too, shall pass. Ann Landers
• Impermanence

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Hang in there

• If you’re going through hell, keep going.

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Inspiring quotes

• Sometimes the wrong choices bring us to the right places.
• You’ll never find the right person if you don’t let go of the wrong one.
• You never know how strong you are until being stronger is the only choice you have.
• Your journey has moulded you for your greater good, and it was exactly what it needed to be. Don’t think you’ve lost time. There is no short-cutting to life. It took each and every situation you have encountered to bring you to the now. And now is right on time. Asha Tyson
• I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they’re right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. Marilyn Monroe
• Survived the divorce. Learned to live. Laurel Hadley
• Right now, someone you haven’t met is out there wondering what it would be like to meet someone like you.
• When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us. Alexander Graham Bell
• When people walk away from you, let them go. Your destiny is never tied to anyone who leaves you, and it doesn’t mean they are bad people. It just means that their part in your story is over. Tony McCollum
• Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life. K. Rowling
• Not to spoil the ending for you, but everything’s going to be okay.
• Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. Buddha
• You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well. Lewis B. Smedes
• Some people comes in your life as blessings, others comes in your life as lessons.
• Don’t allow your wounds to transform you into someone you’re not. Paulo Coelho

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Sometimes we don’t really know our partner till you get divorced from them

• You never really know a man until you have divorced him. Zsa Zsa Gabor
• When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn’t a sign that they “don’t understand” one another, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to. Helen Rowland
• You don’t know a woman till you’ve met her in court. Norman Mailer

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Thoughts on remarriage

• When two divorced people marry, four people get into bed. Jewish Proverb
• Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. Oscar Wilde
• Remarriage is an excellent test of just how amicable your divorce was. Margo Kaufman

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Definitions

• Divorce: A splitting headache.
• Divorce: Future tense of marriage.
• Divorce: Going through a change of wife.

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Marriage as the leading cause of divorce

• One hundred percent of divorces start with a marriage. Mark Gungor
• Divorce is probably of nearly the same date as marriage. I believe, however, that marriage is some weeks the more ancient. Voltaire
• Marriage is probably the chief cause of divorce. Larry Gelbart
• The easiest way to get a divorce is to be married. American Proverb
• The three chief causes of divorce are men, women, and marriage. Evan Esar

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Divorce is expensive

• The difference between a divorce and a legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.  Johnny Carson
• He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house.  Zsa Zsa Gabor
• Alimony is like buying oats for a dead horse. Arthur Baer
• Desertion:  A poor man’s divorce.  Arthur Hayes
• Faithful husband (modern definition) :  One whose alimony cheque arrives on time.
• I don’t think I’ll get married again; I’ll just find a woman I don’t like and give her a house. Lewis Grizzard
• Marriage is grand. Divorce is about twenty grand. Jay Leno
• Conrad Hilton was very generous to me in the divorce settlement. He gave me 5000 Gideon Bibles.  Zsa Zsa Gabor
• A lot of people have asked me how short I am. Since my last divorce, I think I’m about $100,000 short. Mickey Rooney
•  My wife made me a millionaire. Before she divorced me, I had three million.   Bobby Hull
• My mother always said don’t marry for money, divorce for money.   Wendy Liebman
• Why is divorce so expensive? Because it’s worth it!

Staying married

• Getting divorced just because you don’t love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do. Zsa Zsa Gabor
• My husband and I have never considered divorce… murder sometimes, but never divorce. Joyce Brothers
• Staying married may have long-term benefits. You can elicit much more sympathy from friends over a bad marriage than you ever can from a good divorce. J. O’Rourke
• For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to Bermuda is over in two weeks, but a divorce is something you always have. Woody Allen
• In our family we don’t divorce our men — we bury them. Ruth Gordon
• You can’t stay married in a situation where you are afraid to go to sleep in case your wife might cut your throat. Mike Tyson
• I can’t get divorced because I’m a Catholic. Catholics don’t get divorced. They stay together through anger and hatred and festering misery, just like God intended. Lenny Clarke
• My parents got divorced after 40 years – that’s the longest game of chicken ever. David Dyer

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The divorce settlement

• Ah, yes, divorce . . . from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet. Robin Williams
• They ought to do away with divorce settlements. Instead, both parties should flip a coin. The winner gets to stay where he or she is and keep everything. The loser goes to Paraguay. That´s it. Suzanne Finnamore
• The only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers. Woody Allen
• In Hollywood, an equitable divorce settlement means each party getting fifty percent of the publicity. Lauren Bacall

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No love lost

• My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn’t.
• I should’ve known it wasn’t going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I’m a Libra and she’s a bitch.
• I’m not upset about my divorce; I’m only upset I’m not a widow. Roseanne Barr
• The best reason to divorce or break-up with a man is for health reasons you’re sick of him.

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More light-hearted quotes

• I had an amicable divorce. When I changed my relationship status to “divorced” on Facebook, my ex-wife was the first to click like.
• I’d marry again if I found a man who had $15 million and would sign over half of it to me before the marriage and guarantee he’d be dead in a year. Bette Davis
• I should have known something was wrong with my first wife. When I brought her home to meet my parents, they approved of her. Woody Allen
• Now I can wear high heels again. Nicole Kidman
• Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms. Groucho Marx
• My divorce came to me as a complete surprise. That’s what happens when you haven’t been home in eighteen years. Lee Trevino
• I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here. Stephen Bishop
• A 99-year-old man is filing for divorce from his 96-year-old wife, making them the world’s oldest divorced couple. It’s got to be weird when a divorce lawyer is fighting for your kids to get custody of you. Jimmy Fallon
• A new study found that women gain more weight after marriage, but men gain more weight after a divorce. Yeah, the divorce usually takes place after men point out that women gained more weight after marriage. Jimmy Fallon
• If marriage means you fell in love, does divorce mean you climbed out?
• It is he who has broken the bond of marriage — not I. I only break its bondage. Oscar Wilde
• Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck. If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left. Jean Kerr
• The only solid and lasting peace between a man and his wife is, doubtless, a separation. Lord Chesterfield
• I can’t take his genius any more. Rita Hayworth (on why she divorced Orson Welles)
• A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So she gets a divorce.
• A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce anymore than a good mortician wants to finish his job and then have the patient sit up on the table. Jean Kerr
• American husbands are the best in the world; no other husbands are so generous to their wives or can be so easily divorced. Elinor Glyn
• Divorce from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet. Robin Williams
• France may claim the happiest marriages in the world but the happiest divorces in the world are made in America. Helen Rowland
• Half of all marriage end in divorce – and then there are the unhappy ones. Joan Rivers
• I like the French/British relationship to a very old married couple who often think of killing each other but would never dream of divorce. Dennis MacShane
• I think the only time my ex didn’t fake an orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers.
• I used to have a speech impediment, but we got divorced. Bill Hoest
• I’m 34 years old; I thought I’d be divorced by now. Tracy Smith
• I’ve never been married but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something’s wrong with me. Elayne Boosler
• If you made a list of reasons why any couple got married and another list of the reasons for their divorce you’d have a hell of a lot of overlapping. Mignon McLaughlin
• Insanity: Grounds for divorce in some states; grounds for marriage in all
• Love the quest; marriage the conquest; divorce the inquest. Helen Rowland
• Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible; in a world where there are more women than men it pays to recycle. Rita Rudner
• Mixed doubles are always starting divorces. If you play with your wife, you fight with her. If you play with somebody else she fights with you. Sidney Woods
• Remarriage is an excellent test of just how amicable your divorce was. Margo Kaufman
• She should get a divorce and settle down. Jack Paar
• Studies find top 3 most stressful moments in people’s lives: death, divorce, and properly pronouncing “Worcestershire sauce.” Tony Hsieh
• Two years ago I married a lovely young virgin, and if that doesn’t change soon, I’m gonna divorce her.
• When I got divorced it was group sex. My wife screwed me in front of the jury. Rodney Dangerfield
• When my parents got divorced there was a custody fight over me. No one showed up. Rodney Dangerfield
• When two people decide to get a divorce it isn’t a sign that they don’t understand one another but a sign that they have at last begun to. Helen Rowland
• You can’t know a person well until you live with them. You can’t know them really well until you divorce them.

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