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Guilt is a feeling of remorse

• Guilt: A feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, etc., whether real or imagined.  Dictionary.com
• Guilt: A bad feeling caused by knowing or thinking that you have done something bad or wrong.  Merriam Webster
• Conscience,  Shame,  Regret,  Apologising,  Sin,  Forgiveness,  Responsibility

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Guilt comes from believing we have done something wrong

• Guilt comes about by our belief, real or imagined, that we have done damage or harm to someone we love or an ideal we may hold. Craig M. Hands Ph.D.

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We live in a society that thrives on guilt

• Western culture is founded primarily upon an Abrahamic (Christianity, Islam and Judaism) ethic. One of the primary tenets of each of these traditions is that if you didn’t start out having done something wrong, you are gearing up to do something wrong, or you have already done something wrong and you’re going to get punished for it. Here, we find the genesis of guilt. Michael J. Formica
• As guilt is a hidden cultural imperative, it is virtually inescapable – even if you’re an atheist. It really doesn’t have anything to do with religion but is an effect of acculturation. Michael J. Formica
• All religions remind us that actions have consequences for which guilt can and must be acknowledged, forgiveness humbly begged, reconciliation sought.  Kenneth L. Woodward
• We all feel the urge to condemn ourselves out of guilt, to blame others for our misfortunes and to fantasize about total disaster. Deepak Chopra

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A little bit of short-lived guilt can have positive effects

• Hard though it may be to accept, remember that guilt is sometimes a friendly internal voice reminding you that you’re messing up. Marge Kennedy
• Guilt is good for you, provided it lasts no longer than five minutes and that it brings about a change in behavior. Richard O’Connor
• The purpose of guilt is to let us know when we’ve done something wrong, to help us develop a better sense of our behavior and how it affects ourselves and others. It prompts us to re- examine our behavior so that we don’t end up making the same mistake twice.  John M. Grohol
• Guilt can be a helpful emotion when it is justified. It motivates us to learn from our mistakes and make a change when warranted. Tracy Ochester
• Guilt’s purpose isn’t to make us feel bad just for the sake of it. The feeling of guilt is trying to get our attention so that we can learn something from the experience. If we learn from our behaviour, we’ll be less likely to do it again in the future.  Diana Lalor

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The problem is that lasting guilt immobilises and wastes energy

• Guilt is the most useless of all erroneous behaviors. It is by far the greatest waste of emotional energy. Why? Because, by definition, you are feeling immobilized in the present over something that has already taken place, and no amount of guilt can ever change history. Wayne Dyer
• Guilt is not a response to anger; it is a response to one’s own actions or lack of action. If it leads to change then it can be useful, since it is then no longer guilt but the beginning of knowledge. Yet all too often, guilt is just another name for impotence, for defensiveness destructive of communication; it becomes a device to protect ignorance and the continuation of things the way they are, the ultimate protection for changelessness. Audre Lorde
• Guilt is a useless feeling. It’s never enough to make you change direction–only enough to make you useless. Daniel Nayeri
• Guilt is a destructive and ultimately pointless emotion. Lynn Crilly
• My stronger guilt defeats my strong intent. William Shakespeare
• No work or love will flourish out of guilt, fear, or hollowness of heart. Alan Watts
• The awakenings of remorse, virtuous shame and indignation, the glow of moral approbation if they do not lead to action, grow less and less vivid every time they occur, till at length the mind grows absolutely callous. Anna Letitia Barbauld
• Energy management

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Guilt is a great weight and can be painful and destructive

• Guilt isn’t always a rational thing, Clio realized. Guilt is a weight that will crush you whether you deserve it or not. Maureen Johnson
• Guilt alone, like brain-sick frenzy in its feverish mood, fills the light air with visionary terrors, and shapeless forms of fear. Junius
• When you are guilty, it is not your sins you hate but yourself. Anthony de Mello
• The more sinful and guilty a person tends to feel, the less chance there is that he will be a happy, healthy, or law- abiding citizen. He will become a compulsive wrong-doer. Albert Ellis
• Guilt is the source of sorrow, ’tis the fiend, Th’ avenging fiend, that follows us behind, with whips and stings. Nicholas Rowe
• Punishment closely follows guilt as its companion.  Horatius
• Guilt is the very nerve of sorrow. Horace Bushnell
• Nothing is more wretched than a guilty conscience. Plautus
• When I contemplate the accumulation of guilt and remorse which, like a garbage-can, I carry through life, and which is fed not only by the lightest action but by the most harmless pleasure, I feel Man to be of all living things the most biologically incompetent and ill- organized. Why has he acquired a seventy years life- span only to poison it incurably by the mere being of himself? Why has he thrown Conscience, like a dead rat, to putrefy in the well?  Cyril Connolly
• Pain,  Suffering

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Always question your guilt to find out if it is rational

• Be skeptical the next time you feel guilty – is it trying to teach you something rational and helpful about your behavior, or is it just an emotional, irrational response to a situation? John M. Grohol
• Many people feel “guilty” about things they shouldn’t feel guilty about, in order to shut out feelings of guilt about things they should feel guilty about. Sydney J. Harris
• The worst guilt is to accept an unearned guilt. Ayn Rand

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Rate your guilt

• Rate your guilt. Out of ten, make two ratings: How bad the thing is that you’ve done, and how guilty you feel. After this, think about why what you did was bad, and why you feel guilty about it. This should hopefully leave your mind a little clearer and allows you to think rationally about the source of the guilt. Ben Rubenstein

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Instead of wallowing in guilt, make a determined decision to change your behaviour from now on

• Guilt can be defined as self-critical feelings and attitudes that are experienced in relation to our actions, as well as in relation to our thoughts and feelings we see as unacceptable. However, even in situations where you know you are in the wrong, it serves no purpose to attack yourself for the negative effects of your behavior. It is much more constructive to identify the critical inner voices that intensify your guilty feelings, feel compassion for yourself and the other person, and plan ways to change your behavior in future interactions. Robert W. Firestone
• There’s no word in Tibetan for ‘guilty.’ The closest thing is ‘intelligent regret that decides to do things differently.’ Geshe Michael Roache
• Classic remorse, as all the moralists are agreed, is a most undesirable sentiment. If you have behaved badly, repent, make what amends you can and address yourself to the task of behaving better next time. On no account brood over your wrongdoing. Rolling in the muck is not the best way to get clean. Aldous Huxley
• It’s better to look ahead and prepare than to look back and regret. Jacki Joyner-Kersee
• Fix your eyes forward on what you can do, not back on what you cannot change. Tom Clancy
• Stay away from what might have been and look at what will be. Marsha Petrie Su
• I have learned that sometimes ‘sorry’ is not enough. Sometimes you actually have to change. Claire London
• Regrets over the past should chasten the future. James Ellis
• Right actions in the future are the best apologies for bad actions in the past. Tryon Edwards
• Forgive yourself. Let the past go. You did the best you could at the time with the understanding, awareness, and knowledge that you had. Now you are growing and changing, and you will live life differently. Louise L. Hay

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Express your feelings of guilt to yourself or someone else

• Expressing shame and guilt, either privately or to someone who is trusted and understanding, decreases their power and may allow them to be “let go”. There is a long history of using self- disclosure to find relief from feelings of guilt and shame. Consider the practice of confession in some religious faiths. The transgressor acknowledges their wrongful acts to a spiritual leader or to their Higher Power and is absolved. Researchers have discovered there are even health benefits to certain kinds of self- disclosure.   Tracy Ochester
• It is the confession, not the priest, that gives us absolution. Oscar Wilde

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If appropriate, apologise for your behaviour

• Apology holds great power. A sincere, well-executed apology has the potential to help heal wounds; both for the person who feels guilty as well as for those who were wronged. Conversely, a shallow or poorly communicated apology can re- traumatize the people who were hurt and intensify feelings of guilt in the responsible party. The following are guidelines for making a meaningful apology: Don’t apologize unless you really mean it.  Say that you are sorry and explain why – be specific.  Take responsibility for your actions.  Recognize the feelings of the one you wronged.  Offer to make amends.  Don’t expect forgiveness.  Allow the one you wronged to be upset.  Tracy Ochester

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Make amends for your behaviour if you can

• If you did something wrong or hurtful, you will have to accept that you cannot change the past. But you can make amends for your behavior, if and when it’s appropriate. Do so, apologize, or make-up for the inappropriate behavior in a timely manner, but then let it go.  John M. Grohol
• Right the wrongs if you can. Sometimes opportunities exist to actually fix what was broken. Most of the time; however, what was done cannot be undone and making amends becomes a symbolic act showing a sincere willingness to make things right. It is amazing how doing something kind and selfless can contribute toward self-   absolution and help heal hurt feelings.     Tracy Ochester

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More tips for coping with this guilt

• Talk it over with the person to whom it is linked—even though your loved one is not here. Visualize your loved one sitting with you, or speak to your loved one’s photograph. Talk openly from your heart. Be specific about the action or omission or other reason for your guilt. Talk about why you did or didn’t do the thing that now causes your pain. Explain how it makes you feel now and how you would change it if you got a chance. Then ask for forgiveness. After you have had your talk, close your eyes and think about what your loved one would say to you about what he or she has heard. Write down the response. Carol Staudacher
• Have a talk with a professional counselor, member of the clergy, or another reliable resource. Discuss the forgiveness you need and the reason it is so important to you. Carol Staudacher
• Recognize that no relationship is all bad or all good. List the things for which you will never feel guilt–ways in which you gave, supported, expressed affection or appreciation, or otherwise enhanced your loved one’s life. Carol Staudacher
• Ask yourself how terrible it is that your precious loved one is being remembered as a legacy of pain that you choose to carry around. You’re focusing on the moment he/she died instead of on the moments he/she lived and the joy that he/she brought to your life. Isn’t that a terrible burden to place on your loved one?  Dr Phil McGraw
• If you want to forgive yourself, understand that guilt is all about intention. Is there a bone in your body that wished or intended for something bad to happen to your loved one? If not, why are you feeling guilty? Dr Phil McGraw

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Realise you’re human and no human is perfect

• Striving for perfection in any part of our lives is a recipe for failure, since it can never be attained. We all make mistakes and many of us go down a path in our lives that can make us feel guilty later on when we finally realize our mistake. The key is to realize the mistake and accept that you’re only human. Don’t engage in days, weeks or months of self-blame or battering your self- esteem because you should’ve known, should’ve acted differently, or should’ve been an ideal person. You’re not, and neither are others. That’s just life. Diana Lalor
• There is no worse sickness for the soul, o you who are proud, than this pretence of perfection. Rumi
• Instead of trying to achieve perfection, simply relax and enjoy human imperfectability. With that perspective you achieve the ultimate godhead. Robert H. Rimmer

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Consciously decide to let go of your guilt

• Fear and guilt are your only enemies. If you let go of fear, fear lets go of you. If you release guilt, guilt will release you. How do you do that? By deciding to. Neale Donald Walsch
• Men are that they might have joy . . . not guilt trips. Russell M. Nelson
• Our attachment to judgment, rather than making us more responsible and accountable to our thoughts, feelings and actions, makes us less so because it is an obstacle to authenticity. Clearing away the veil of guilt allows us to be more connected to what it is that we are experiencing, our thoughts and our actions in light of that experience and, thus, to be more present with our experience, our emotions and ourselves. Michael J. Formica
• Letting go

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The best way to let go of guilt is to forgive yourself

• How unhappy is he who cannot forgive himself. Publilius Syrus
• Guilt can quickly turn into regret and self-pity. The only way out is through acceptance and forgiveness.
• Forgive Yourself. We tend to be our own worst critics which makes self-forgiveness something that is easier said than done. It involves an attitude of openness, self- acceptance, letting go of anger, and a belief in one’s own worth and goodness. Self- forgiveness is not abdicating responsibility. It is seeing mistakes as opportunities for learning rather than as personal failure.    Tracy Ochester
• The day the child realises that all adults are imperfect, he becomes an adolescent. The day he forgives then, he becomes an adult. The day he forgives himself, he becomes wise.  Alden Nowlan
• If you haven’t forgiven yourself something, how can you forgive others? Dolores Huerta
• It is important that we forgive ourselves for making mistakes. We need to learn from our errors and move on. Steve Maraboli
• The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward. Steve Maraboli
• Forgive yourself. Let the past go. You did the best you could at the time with the understanding, awareness, and knowledge that you had. Now you are growing and changing, and you will live life differently. Louise L. Hay
• Self-forgiveness

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No matter what your mistake, it does not affect your true essence

• Whatever mistake you have made about who you are is temporary. Your true identity has remained untouched.  You have never sinned against it or affected it in any way except to lose touch with it.  Deepak Chopra
• Awaken to who you really are

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Endeavour to live with integrity and you will be guilt free

• With integrity you have nothing to fear, since you have nothing to hide. With integrity you will do the right thing, so you will have no guilt. With fear and guilt removed you are free to be and do your best. Zig Ziglar
• Integrity

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Regret and guilt

• Regret, which is guilt without the neurosis, enables us … to move forward instead of back. Jane Adams
• Guilt is regret for what we’ve done. Regret is guilt for what we didn’t do.
• Regret

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Guilt and resentment

• Guilt is anger directed at ourselves – at what we did or did not do. Resentment is anger directed at others – at what they did or did not do.  Peter McWilliams
• Resentment

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The death of a loved one can sometimes awaken great guilt

• Guilt is perhaps the most painful companion of death. Coco Chanel
• Guilt is one of the most powerful negative reactions to the loss of a loved one, equaled only by anger as a common grief experience. After someone close to us dies, we think back to events, conversations, or modes of behavior we engaged in before the death. Carol Staudacher
• Regardless of how or why our loved one died, we sift through the evidence of past behavior, giving ourselves reasons to be miserable. We become tormented by our own perceived failures, omissions, insults, poor judgment, or unwise choices. Carol Staudacher
• There are numerous failures in relationships that result in guilt. Not recognizing the seriousness of an illness early on, not taking a loved one to the right emergency room, not feeling badly enough, not intervening in a stronger way when care seems to be inadequate, feeling one should have visited more frequently, not doing what the other wanted to do. Louis LaGrand, Ph.D.
• Death

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• A guilty dog barks the loudest.  Country expression
• Calvin: There’s no problem so awful that you can’t add some guilt to it and make it even worse! Bill Watterson
• Don’t wreck a sublime chocolate experience by feeling guilty. Chocolate isn’t like premarital sex. It will not make you pregnant. And it always feels good.  Lora Brody
• Dyspepsia is the remorse of a guilty stomach. A. Kerr
• Golf is not a game it’s bondage; it was obviously devised by a man torn with guilt eager to atone for his sins.
• Guilt: The gift that keeps on giving.  Erma Bombeck
• I have knowingly defended a number of guilty men but the guilty never escape unscathed; my fees are sufficient punishment for anyone.   Lee Bailey
• If 13 is unlucky then 12 and 14 are guilty by association.  Mitch Hedberg
• If I had my way any man guilty of golf would be ineligible for any office of trust in the United States.  L. Mencken
• In Scotland we have a verdict …not proven;’ that means  …not guilty but don’t do it again.’   Andrew Brodie
• In this country you’re guilty until proven wealthy.  Bill Maher
• It takes a real talent to be able to apologize in a manner that makes the offended person feel guilty.
• It was a Jewish porno film – one minute of sex and nine minutes of guilt.  Joan Rivers
• Jews can’t serve on juries because they insist they’re guilty.  Cathy Ladman
• Mothers, food, love, and career: the four major guilt groups. Cathy Guisewite
• My mother is a travel agent for guilt trips.
• Religion is basically guilt with different holidays.  Cathy Ladman
• Show me a woman who doesn’t feel guilty and I’ll show you a man. Erica Mann Jong
• Sunday shool : A prison in which children do penance for the guilty conscience of their parents.   (H. Mencken)
• The case has been going on for so long that I’ve forgotten whether I’m really innocent or guilty.  Ashleigh Brilliant
• The only reason I feel guilty about masturbation is because I do it so badly.  David Steinberg
• The scariest guy in prison is the white guy; because he’s guilty.  John Roy
• There’s no problem so awful that you can’t add some guilt to it and make it even worse!
• There’s only one difference between Catholics and Jews; Jews are born with guilt and Catholics have to go to school to learn it.  Elayne Boosler
• When we played softball I’d steal second base, feel guilty and go back.  Woody Allen

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