.

.

Heaven exists here on earth – and so does hell …

• Do I believe in Heaven and Hell? I do, we have them here; the world is nothing else. John Davidson
• God created heaven on earth, but man created hell. Santosh Kalwar
• Heaven is under our feet, as well as over our heads. Henry David Thoreau
• Death,  Hell,  Religion,  Karma,  Reincarnation

.

… for heaven is a state of mind …

• Heaven is a state of mind, not a location. Wayne Dyer
• The Kingdom of Heaven is not a place, but a state of mind. John Burroughs
• The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a Heaven of Hell, a Hell of Heaven. John Milton
• Just like hell, heaven is a place that exists within our mind. It is a place where we are happy, where we are free to love and to be who we really are. We can reach heaven while we are alive; we don’t have to wait until we die. Don Miguel Ruiz
• Heaven and hell aren’t afterlife rewards for good and bad behaviour, they are states of consciousness we inhabit here and now. Tim Freke
• All the gods, all the heavens, all the hells, are within you. Jospeh Campbell

.

… a state of consciousness

• Whether heaven or hell or a world of admixture, it is all a state of mind, a condition of consciousness- being. The kingdom of heaven is not a place, but a spaciousness in consciousness, just as hell is a severe confinement and limitation upon consciousness. There are worlds within worlds and worlds beyond, heavens and hells and spaces in between. All are an expression of consciousness-being, which is the radiant nature of consciousness, and all exist within consciousness. Tau Malachi
• Consciousness

.

Life is about seeking the kingdom of heaven within

• The main business of living is individual growth, the seeking of the kingdom of heaven which is within. Let one take care of what has been given him—his thoughts, sensations, faculties, and he will be the best of all help to his fellow men. Ervin Seale
• The kingdom of Heaven is within you… Seek ye first the kingdom of Heaven and all things will be added unto you. Jesus
• The little things of life, sweet and excellent in their place, must not be the things lived for; the highest must be sought and followed; the life of heaven must be begun here on earth. L.M. Montgomery
• This is the ultimate end of man, to find the One which is in him; which is his truth, which is his soul; the key with which he opens the gate of the spiritual life, the heavenly kingdom. Rabindranath Tagore

.

.

Heaven is a choice – and so is hell …

• Heaven on earth is a choice we must make, not a place we must find. Wayne Dyer
• If we want hell, if we want heaven, they are ours. That’s how love works. It can’t be forced, manipulated, or coerced. It always leaves room for the other to decide. God says yes, we can have what we want, because love wins. Rob Bell
• Maybe we cannot escape from the destiny of the human, but we have the choice: to suffer our destiny or to enjoy our destiny. To suffer, or to love and be happy. To live in hell, or to live in heaven. My choice is to live in heaven. What is yours? Don Miguel Ruiz
• The stronger your will, the clearer and more defined your goals will be and the greater the “coincidences” that will appear in front of you, helping you get where you wish–Heaven or hell. You decide what you want. Alfredo Karra
• I am my own heaven and hell! C.F. von Schiller
• Choice

.

… depending on how you choose to react to things …

• Obviously, circumstances alone do not make us happy or unhappy. It is the way we react to circumstances that determines our feelings. Jesus said that the kingdom of heaven is within you. That is where the kingdom of hell is, too. Dale Carnegie

.

… depending on how you use the power of your word

• … like a sword with two edges, your word can create the most beautiful dream, or your word can destroy everything around you. One edge is the misuse of the word, which creates a living hell. The other edge is the impeccability of the word, which will only create beauty, love, and heaven on earth. Depending upon how it is used, the word can set you free, or it can enslave you even more than you know. Don Miguel Ruiz
• Be impeccable with your word

.

Heaven is within and around us right now and accessible through awareness and practice

• One does not need buildings, money, power, or status to practice the Art of Peace. Heaven is right where you are standing, and this is the place to train. Morihei Ueshiba
• The kingdom of Heaven is within you… Seek ye first the kingdom of Heaven and all things will be added unto you. Jesus
• There is no such thing as “getting to heaven.” There is only a knowing that you are already there. The irony is that most people think they have to leave where they are to get to where they want to be. Neale Donald Walsch
• What need have we of Eden passed or Paradise to come, when Heaven is within and around us at all times?
• Awareness,  Practice

.

What’s the point of anticipating a future heaven but not embracing the heaven available to us right here, right now?

• I suspect that those who most enjoy heaven will be those who most enjoyed life. Robert Brault
• The experience of eternity right here and now is the function of life. Heaven is not the place to have the experience; here is the place to have the experience. Joseph Campbell
• I also see the world of religion. I see some of my brothers and sisters trying to be religious without being fully human. They seem a little rigid and narrow at times, wanting to be holy, but not human. They seem to be winning a place in heaven, without realizing or enjoying the beauty of earth. They keep the ten commandments, but their observances look so joyless.  Such a world seems small and the air in that world is stale.  John Powell, S.J.
• Who has not found the Heaven — below — Will fail of it above. Emily Dickinson

.

Every person gets to heaven in their own way

• All religions must be tolerated for every man must get to heaven in his own way. Epictetus

.

Follow your own path to heaven, guided by your intuition and desire

• Life is not going to come down there and sprinkle glitter dust on your shoulders to let you know that you are Good…or that you are walking the right Path …or that you are making the Best Decision. Take the next step. Right now. Stop waiting for a “sign” from the “gods.”  Your sign is your intuition, wrapped in your desire.  Hesitation is not a stopping place on the road to heaven. Neale Donald Walsch
• Intuition,  Desire

.

.

Embrace your power to make your life into a heaven on earth …

• Buddhism teaches that life is heaven on earth if we see what is really there. Shinzen Young
• I have the power within to create a heaven on earth for myself and to radiate a piece of that heaven to everyone whose life touches mine. Susan Jeffers

.

… by connecting deeply with God …

• Union with God is the only heaven there is, and it begins here on earth. Macrina Wiederkehr
• God is found in this Life … to wait for another is folly. Dan Simmons
• We all long for heaven where God is, but we have it in our power to be in heaven with him right now–to be happy with him at this very moment. But being happy with him now means: loving as he loves, helping as he helps, giving as he gives, serving as he serves, rescuing as he rescues, being with him for all the twenty-four hours, touching him in his distressing disguise. Mother Teresa
• God,  Connectedness

.

… by loving yourself and enjoying life …

• I change the world by changing myself. I am changing the world by loving myself, by enjoying life, by making my personal world a dream of heaven. I change myself, and just like magic, other people start to change. Don Miguel Ruiz
• Self-love,  Enjoyment

.

… by seizing each day as a chance to be fully alive  …

• Every morning is a fresh beginning. Every day is the world made new. Today is a new day. Today is my world made new. I have lived all my life up to this moment, to come to this day. This moment–this day–is as good as any moment in all eternity. I shall make of this day–each moment of this day–a heaven on earth. This is my day of opportunity. Dan Custer
• You’ve gotta dance like there’s nobody watching, love like you’ll never be hurt, sing like there’s nobody listening, and live like it’s heaven on earth. William W. Purkey
• Embrace the gift of today

.

… by inspiring love and joy and embracing the light within  …

• We all have a divine mission on earth. Let that mission be to inspire love and embrace the light within. Let that mission be to have peace in our hearts as we create heaven on earth. Let that mission be to seek empowerment through transformation and to breathe joy into everything we do. If we allow these things to be our mission the golden light of the sun will shine on our souls and change our world forever. Micheal Teal
• Love,  Joy,  Light

.

… by lifting your illusions and seeing the truth  …

• You will choose either to continue living the illusion that you have created as if it were real. Or you will choose instead to step away from the illusion, to see it as an illusion, and to use the illusion in order to experience heaven on earth, and the Ultimate Reality of Who You Really Are. Neale Donald Walsch
• God is always present and the kingdom of heaven is everywhere, but first we need to have the eyes and ears to see and hear that truth. Don Miguel Ruiz
• Illusion,  Truth

.

… by growing and being all you can be  …

• You grow to heaven. You don’t go to heaven. Edgar Cayce
• The main business of living is individual growth, the seeking of the kingdom of heaven which is within. Let one take care of what has been given him—his thoughts, sensations, faculties, and he will be the best of all help to his fellow men. Ervin Seale
• Ah, but a man’s reach should exceed his grasp, or what’s a heaven for? Robert Browning
• Growth,  Potential

.

… by being fully human …

• If heaven is where people become fully human, then hell is the ultimate disintegration of what it means to be human. Sean Mcdowell & Jonathan Morrow
• To enter heaven is to become more human than you ever succeeded in being on earth; to enter hell, is to be banished from humanity. S. Lewis

.

… by loving with all your heart …

• To love is to receive a glimpse of heaven. Karen Sunde
• The connections we make in the course of a life–maybe that’s what heaven is. Fred Rogers
• Love

.

… by using the power of your word in the direction of truth and love  …

• The word is the most powerful tool you have as a human; it is the tool of magic. But like a sword with two edges, your word can create the most beautiful dream, or your word can destroy everything around you. One edge is the misuse of the word, which creates a living hell. The other edge is the impeccability of the word, which will only create beauty, love, and heaven on earth. Depending upon how it is used, the word can set you free, or it can enslave you even more than you know. Don Miguel Ruiz

.

… by giving generously …

• A wise man does not accumulate for himself. The more he uses for others, the more he has himself. The more he gives to others, the more he possesses of his own. The way of heaven is to benefit others and not to injure. Lao Tzu
• Giving,  Generosity

.

… by supporting the happiness of your loved ones …

• A happy family is but an earlier heaven. George Bernard Shaw
• Marriage may be the closest thing to Heaven or Hell any of us will know on this earth. Edwin Louis Cole

.

… by making beautiful love …

• Sexual union is a holy moment in which a part of Heaven flows into the Earth. James Redfield

.

… by consciously choosing happiness …

• Events don’t determine whether or not you’re going to be happy. You can be happy to just be alive. You can be happy having all these things happen to you, and then be happy to die. If you can live this way, your heart will be so open, and your Spirit will be so free, that you will soar up to the heavens. Michael Singer
• Happiness

.

… by acts, words and deeds that raise you up …

• There are glimpses of heaven to us in every act, or thought, or word, that raises us above ourselves. Arthur P. Stanley
• If we would know what heaven is before we come thither, let us retire into the depths of our own spirits, and we shall find it there among holy thoughts and feelings. Nathaniel Hawthorne

.

… by having a good conscience …

• A good conscience is the best looking-glass of heaven. Ralph Cudworth
• Conscience

.

… by focusing on what you have, not what you don’t …

• Abundance is a state of mind, but when felt within our hearts; we open the door to receive the gifts of heaven. Abundance is our Soul’s natural state, and the only thing that stops its flow is our beliefs. When we accept that we are worthy of all the wonderful things in heaven and earth, we open the door for their arrival. Carolyn Greenleaf
• Both abundance and lack exist simultaneously in our lives, as parallel realities. It is always our conscious choice which secret garden we will tend…when we choose not to focus on what is missing from our lives but are grateful for the abundance that’s present–love, health, family, friends, work, the joys of nature and personal pursuits that bring us pleasure –   the wasteland of illusion falls away and we experience Heaven on earth. Sarah Ban Breathnach
• Gratitude,  Appreciation

.

… by finding heavenly blessings to be thankful for …

• Let the thankful heart sweep through the day and, as the magnet finds the iron, so it will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessing. Henry Ward Beecher
• The unthankful heart discovers no mercies; but the thankful heart will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessings. Henry Ward Beecher
• Gratitude

.

… by noticing the thoughts that take you away from heaven …

• So, how do you get back to heaven? To begin with, just notice the thoughts that take you away from it. You don’t have to believe everything your thoughts tell you. Just become familiar with the particular thoughts you use to deprive yourself of happiness. It may seem strange at first to get to know yourself in this way but becoming familiar with your stressful thoughts will show you the way home to everything you need. Byron Katie
• An evil thought in a soul is like a water-rat swimming in a pond at evening: the rat destroys the iridescent reflection of heaven in the water. Austin O’Malley

.

… by transforming your negative perceptions and beliefs …

• The dream you are living is your creation. It is your perception of reality that you can change at any time. You have the power to create hell, and you have the power to create heaven. Why not dream a different dream? Why not use your mind, your imagination, and your emotions to dream heaven? Don Miguel Ruiz
• Belief

.

… by reclaiming the wonder and innocence of childhood …

• And he said: “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Jesus
• Wonder,  Nurture your inner child

.

… by steering and sailing your way through life, not drifting …

• To be in hell is to drift; to be in heaven is to steer. George Bernard Shaw
• I find the great thing in this world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving: To reach the port of heaven, we must sail sometimes with the wind and sometimes against it, but we must sail, and not drift, nor lie at anchor. Oliver Wendell Holmes

.

… by harnessing the power of your imagination …

• All our other faculties seem to have the brown touch of earth upon them, but the imagination carries the very livery of heaven, and is God’s self in the soul. Henry Ward Beecher
• Imagination

.

… by building your knowledge of things that matter …

• Ignorance is the curse of God; knowledge is the wing wherewith we fly to heaven. William Shakespeare
• In heaven I yearn for knowledge, account all else inanity; On earth I confess an itch for the praise of fools – that’s vanity. Robert Browning
• Knowledge

.

… by celebrating personal victories

• Victory puts us on a level with heaven. Lucretius
• Victory

.

… by embracing your spirituality

• Religion is for those afraid of going to hell, Spirituality is for those who know where Heaven is. Riccardo Ferrari
• This is the ultimate end of man, to find the One which is in him; which is his truth, which is his soul; the key with which he opens the gate of the spiritual life, the heavenly kingdom. Rabindranath Tagore
• Spirituality

.

… by practicing inner peace and serenity …

• Despair is the damp of hell, as joy is the serenity of heaven. John Donne
• Excitement is the drunkenness of the spirits. Only calm waters reflect heaven in their bosom. Marguerite de Valois
• Inner peace,  Serenity

.

… by practicing stillness …

• Man has to learn to seek first the kingdom of heaven, the place of stillness and quiet at the highest level of which he is capable, and then the heavenly influences can pour into him, recreate him and use him for the salvation of mankind. White Eagle
• No thought, no action, no movement, total stillness: only thus can one manifest the true nature and law of things from within and unconsciously, and at last become one with heaven and earth. Lao Tzu
• Stillness

.

… by being fully present in your body …

• Mountain pose teaches us, literally, how to stand on our own two feet…. teaching us to root ourselves into the earth…. Our bodies become a connection between heaven and earth. Carol Krucoff

.

… by drawing strength from prayer …

• For me, prayer is a surge of the heart; it is a simple look turned toward heaven, it is a cry of recognition and of love, embracing both trial and joy. Thérèse de Lisieux
• I believe in prayer. It’s the best way we have to draw strength from heaven. Josephine Baker
• Between the humble and contrite heart and the majesty of Heaven there are no barriers; the only password is prayer. Hosea Ballou
• Prayer

.

… by opening your eyes fully to the wonder and beauty of the earth …

• Earth’s crammed with heaven, and every common bush afire with God. Elizabeth Barrett Browning
• Human experience is already experience of God. Our journey on earth is already a journey to heaven.  Seeing a sunrise or a flower is already seeing God.  Carlo Carretto
• My soul can find no staircase to Heaven unless it be through Earth’s loveliness. Michelangelo
• To see a world in a grain of sand and a heaven in a wild flower, Hold infinity in the palm of your hand and eternity in an hour. William Blake
• Wonder,  Beauty

.

… by opening your ears to the beauty of music …

• Music is God’s gift to man, the only art of Heaven given to earth, the only art of earth we take to Heaven. Walter Savage Landor
• Music is harmony, harmony is perfection, perfection is our dream, and our dream is heaven. Henri Frederic Amiel
• Music isn’t just a pleasure, a transient satisfaction. It’s a need, a deep hunger; and when the music is right, it’s joy. Love. A foretaste of heaven. A comfort in grief. Is it too much to think that perhaps God speaks to us sometimes through music? How, then, could I be so ungrateful as to refuse the message? Orson Scott Card
• Music

.

… by savouring life’s simple pleasures …

• bed! O bed! delicious bed! That heaven upon earth to the weary head.   Thomas Hood
• Pleasure,  Savouring

.

… by embracing the joys of play …

• The true object of all human life is play. Earth is a task garden; heaven is a playground. K. Chesterton
• Play

.

… by creating a sense of order

• Order is heaven’s first law. Order is earth’s first law, too. Brian Tracy
• Order is heaven’s first law. Alexander Pope
• The single harmony produced by all the heavenly bodies singing and dancing together springs from one source and ends by achieving one purpose and has rightly bestowed the name not of “disordered” but of “ordered universe” upon the whole. Aristotle
• The propitious smiles of Heaven can never be expected on a nation that disregards the eternal rules of order and right, which Heaven itself has ordained. George Washington
• Order

.

.

Even if we make life into a heaven on earth, we need to accept that life will be hell at times

• Life is hell, at some point we all just have to get used to it. Alysha Speer
• Hell

.

A life of constant heaven would be like hell on earth

• A lifetime of happiness: no man alive could bear it; it would be hell on earth. George Bernard Shaw
• I don’t believe in an afterlife, so I don’t have to spend my whole life fearing hell or fearing heaven even more. For whatever the tortures of hell, I think the boredom of heaven would be even worse. Isaac Asimov
• A perpetual holiday is a good working definition of Hell. George Bernard Shaw

.

Expecting life to feel like heaven all the time will make only it feel like hell

• What has always made a hell on earth is that man has tried to make it his heaven. Friedrich Holderlin
• What makes earth feel like hell is our expectation that it should feel like heaven. Chuck Palahniuk

.

The path to heaven often leads through hell

• Everyone who has ever built anywhere a new heaven first found the power thereto in his own hell. Friedrich Nietzsche
• It takes going through hell to reach your heaven. Rachel Van Dyken
• One must look into hell before one has any right to speak of heaven. Bertrand Russell

.

.

Realise that hatred blocks your experience of heaven

• Hatred unlocks no doors in heaven. William F. Devault
• Hate

.

Realise that pride blocks your experience of heaven

• Pride must die in you, or nothing of heaven can live in you. Andrew Murray
• Pride,  Arrogance

.

Realise that sin blocks your experience of heaven

• Sin is the great element of hell, and where it exists heaven cannot be. H. Chapin
• You have seen a ship out on the bay, swinging with the tide, and seeming as if it would follow it; and yet it cannot, for down beneath the water it is anchored. So many a soul sways toward heaven, but cannot ascend thither, because it is anchored to some secret sin. Henry Ward Beecher
• Sin makes its own hell, and goodness its own heaven. Mary Baker Eddy
• Sin

.

.

Some are not great advocates of the conventional concept of heaven

• Heaven and Hell are, in my opinion, much like God: a feel-good idea that swims in the minds of people but has little bearing in reality. It’s also a nifty way to control people through fear. World Religions in a Nutshell

.

The conventional concept and belief in heaven keeps us from our direct experience of it

• Most of the world’s religions serve only to strengthen attachments to false concepts such as self and other, life and death, heaven and earth, and so on. Those who become entangled in these false ideas are prevented from perceiving the Integral Oneness. Lao Tzu
• Words are mere sound and smoke, dimming the heavenly light.  Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

.

Surely the concept of heaven after death is just a projection of our deepest hopes and desires?

• As Heaven is the object of our deepest desire, Hell is the object of our deepest fear. Peter Kreeft
• Heaven and Hell are man’s hopes and his fears extended beyond the grave. Abraham Miller
• The starry vault of heaven is in truth the open book of cosmic projection. Carl Jung
• Hope,  Desire

.

Surely the concept of heaven and hell is too extreme?

• Heaven and hell seem out of proportion to me: the actions of men do not deserve so much. Jorge Luis Borges

.

Surely the concept of heaven and hell is too black and white?

• Heaven and hell suppose two distinct species of men, the good and the bad. But the greatest part of mankind float betwixt vice and virtue. David Hume
• I’m not interested in absolute moral judgments. Just think of what it means to be a good man or a bad one. What, after all, is the measure of difference? The good guy may be 65 per cent good and 35 per cent bad—that’s a very good guy. The average decent fellow might be 54 per cent good, 46 per cent bad—and the average mean spirit is the reverse. So say I’m 60 per cent bad and 40 per cent good—for that, must I suffer eternal punishment? Heaven and Hell make no sense if the majority of humans are a complex mixture of good and evil. There’s no reason to receive a reward if you’re 57/43—why sit around forever in an elevated version of Club Med? That’s almost impossible to contemplate.  Norman Mailer

.

Surely doing good out of a hope of heavenly reward is not true goodness from the heart?

• Seeking Heaven through righteousness is not seeking righteousness, but something else;–it is not loving goodness for goodness’ sake, but for its rewards. H. Chapin

.

.

Is our conventional concept of heaven really so great?

• Man has imagined a heaven, and has left entirely out of it the supremest of all his delights…sexual intercourse!…His heaven is like himself: strange, interesting, astonishing, grotesque. I give you my word, it has not a single feature in it that he actually values. Mark Twain
• The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven. Mark Twain
• I don’t believe in an afterlife, so I don’t have to spend my whole life fearing hell, or fearing heaven even more. For whatever the tortures of hell, I think the boredom of heaven would be even worse. Isaac Asimov
• The problem is, even if there is a Heaven how can there be one we can stand forever? John Updike
• Heaven must be an awfully dull place if the poor in spirit live there. Emma Goldman

.

In heaven, all the interesting people will be missing

• Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company. Mark Twain
• In heaven, all the interesting people are missing. Friedrich Nietzsche
• Hell doesn’t sound like a fun place, regardless of what some people jokingly say. I have heard folks say, “Why go to Heaven, when all my friends will be in Hell?” Can I tell you something? Spending eternity in Hell isn’t funny. You might want to pick other “friends.” Julie Bovines
• They say there’s a heaven for those who will wait. Some say it’s better, but I say it ain’t. I’d rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints. Sinners are much more fun. Billy Joel
• Heaven is empty, Hell is full. Asfaw Berhane

.

In certain circumstances, might hell be preferable to heaven?

• A fool’s paradise is a wise man’s hell. Thomas Fuller
• I would prefer an intelligent hell to a stupid paradise. Blaise Pascal
• After all, is not a real Hell better than a manufactured Heaven? M. Forster
• Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company. Mark Twain
• After all, is not a real Hell better than a manufactured Heaven? M. Forster

.

.

Marriage can be heaven – and it can also be hell

• Marriage may be the closest thing to Heaven or Hell any of us will know on this earth. Edwin Louis Cole
• Some marriages are made in heaven, but they all have to be maintained on earth. Debbie Macomber
• Marriage

.

Stars are the poetry of heaven

• Who among us has never looked up into the heavens on a starlit night, lost in wonder at the vastness of space and the beauty of the stars? Jeb Bush
• Ye stars, which are the poetry of heaven. Lord Byron

.

Dogs are sure to go to heaven

• If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons. James Thurber
• Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in. Mark Twain
• If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went. Will Rogers
• If there is a heaven, it’s certain our animals are to be there. Their lives become so interwoven with our own, it would take more than an archangel to detangle them. Pam Brown
• The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven not man’s. Mark Twain
• You think those dogs will not be in heaven! I tell you they will be there long before any of us. Robert Louis Stevenson
• The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven not man’s. Mark Twain
• Dogs

.

Help yourself and heaven will help you

• Heaven never helps the man who will not act. Sophocles
• Help yourself, and Heaven will help you. Jean De La Fontaine

.

• A church is a place in which gentlemen who have never been to heaven brag about it to persons who will never get there.  L. Mencken
• A zealous locksmith died of late and did not enter Heaven’s gate. But stood without and would not knock because he meant to pick the lock.  Epitaph
• Clergyman: A ticket speculator outside the gates of Heaven.
• Confucius say… marriages are made in heaven… so are thunder & lightning.  Confucius
• Did you fall from heaven? Cause your face is pretty messed up!
• Everybody wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die. Joe Louis
• Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company. Mark Twain
• Good girls go to heaven and bad girls go everywhere. Helen Gurley Brown
• He’s [Frank Sinatra] the kind of guy that when he dies he’s going up to heaven and give God a bad time for making him bald.  Marlon Brando
• Heaven goes by favor; for if it went by merit you would stay out and your dog would go in.  Mark Twain
• Heaven is an English policeman, a French cook, a German engineer, an Italian lover and everything organised by the Swiss. Hell is an English cook, a French engineer, a German policeman, a Swiss lover and everything organised by the Italians. John Elliott
• Heaven: The Coney Island of the Christian imagination.  Elbert Hubbard
• I can’t tell you if genius is hereditary, because heaven has granted me no offspring.  James McNeill Whistler
• I hope God speaks English; if I get up to heaven and have to point at a menu I’m gonna be pissed.  Daniel Tosh
• I was driving on the freeway and I saw a hitchhiker holding a sign that said ‘heaven’ so I hit him; he seemed like a nice guy so he probably made it.  Steven Wright
• If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.  Will Rogers
• If there’s no chocolate in Heaven, I’m not going. Jane Seabrook
• If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. Sam Levenson
• In heaven all the interesting people are missing.  Friedrich Nietzsche
• In this world . . . It’s Heaven when the French are chefs. The British are police. The Germans are engineers. The Swiss are bankers. And the Italians are lovers. It’s Hell when the English are chefs. The Germans are police. The French are engineers. The Swiss are lovers. And the Italians are bankers. Hidekaz Himaruya
• Is that a ladder in your stockings or the stairway to heaven?
• It is a statistical fact that the wicked work harder to reach hell than the righteous do to enter heaven.  Josh Billings
• Marriage is neither heaven nor hell it is simply purgatory.  Abraham Lincoln
• May ye be in heaven an hour before the devil knows you’re dead  Epitaph
• My idea of heaven is a great big baked potato and someone to share it with. Oprah Winfrey
• Of the delights of this world man cares most for sexual intercourse yet he has left it out of his heaven.  Mark Twain
• Over the massive front doors of a church these words were inscribed: “The Gates of Heaven.” Below that was a small cardboard sign which read: “Please use other entrance.”  Church Bulletin
• Snowmen fall from heaven… unassembled.
• There’s good climate in heaven, but a better company in hell.
• When I die, I hope to go to heaven… whatever the hell that is. Ayn Rand
• Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
• Without you Heaven would be too dull to bear And Hell would not be Hell if you are there.  John Sparrow

.