Intimacy (quotes)

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What is intimacy?

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Intimacy is about closeness and familiarity

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Intimacy is about understanding

  • There’s nothing more intimate in life than simply being understood. And understanding someone else. Brad Meltzer
  • The experience of feeling seen, heard and understood, brings us the greatest joy in life… in any relationship. Ashley Turner
  • Understanding
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Intimacy is about recognition

…something even deeper than intimacy, which is what I would call ‘recognition.’   Jon Kabat-Zinn

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Intimacy is about communication

  • Communication leads to community, that is, to understanding, intimacy and mutual valuing. Rollo May
  • Communication is a continual balancing act, juggling the conflicting needs for intimacy and independence. To survive in the world, we have to act in concert with others, but to survive as ourselves, rather than simply as cogs in a wheel, we have to act alone. Deborah Tannen
  • Communication
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Intimacy is about allowing yourself to be vulnerable

  • Being vulnerable doesn’t have to be threatening. Just have the courage to be sincere, open and honest. This opens the door to deeper communication all around. It creates self-empowerment and the kind of connections with others we all want in life. Speaking from the heart frees us from the secrets that burden us. These secrets are what make us sick or fearful. Speaking truth helps you get clarity on your real heart directives. Sara Paddison
  • Because that’s what intimacy is: It’s a willingness to be vulnerable, a willingness to bite my tongue and a willingness to set an example of what I believe in. Diane Lane
  • Intimacy is unattainable for those who refuse to take the risk of making themselves vulnerable. Matthew Kelly
  • Vulnerability
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Intimacy is about authenticity and openness

  • Enlightenment is the key to everything, and it is the key to intimacy, because it is the goal of true authenticity. Marianne Williamson
  • Intimacy is the capacity to be rather weird with someone–and finding that that’s okay with them. Alain de Botton
  • For a marriage relationship to flourish, there must be intimacy. It takes an enormous amount of courage to say to your spouse, “This is me. I’m not proud of it–in fact, I’m a little embarrassed by it– but this is who I am.”  Bill Hybels
  • Openness
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Intimacy is about acceptance …

  • We think that when we understand them we will accept them, but it is impossible to understand a person until you accept a person….. When we sense nonacceptance, we instinctively respond by withdrawing. Matthew Kelly
  • Acceptance
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… whereas judgement is death to intimacy

  • Judgement is death to intimacy. Matthew Kelly
  • The path that leads to intimacy is blocked to those who are unwilling or unable to practice nonjudgment. Matthew Kelly
  • There is no place in intimacy for judgement. We should remember that whatever a person’s past, our role is to help him or her build a future. Matthew Kelly
  • Let go of the need to judge
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Intimacy is about revealing the deepest part of yourself …

  • We can’t be loved for who we are if we won’t reveal ourselves. Unrevealed, we never experience intimacy. Unwilling to reveal ourselves, we remain always alone. Matthew Kelly
  • Intimacy is gained through the process of self-revelation. Matthew Kelly
  • True intimacy is a human constant. People of all types find it equally hard to achieve, equally precious to hold. Age, education, social status, make little difference here; even genius does not presuppose the talent to reveal one’s self completely and completely absorb one’s self in another personality. Intimacy is to love what concentration is to work: a simultaneous drawing together to attention and release of energy. Robert Grudin
  • The word intimacy means “profoundly interior.” It comes from the superlative form of the Latin word inter, meaning “within.” It could be translated “within-est,” or “most within.” In our intimate relationships, the “most within” dimensions of ourselves and the other are engaged. Thomas Moore
  • It boils down to this: Are you willing to have your relationships be a pathway to fully revealing yourself and your potential?  If your answer is yes, real intimacy can be yours on a dail basis.  Gay Hendricks
  • Vulnerability
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… mutual self-disclosure …

  • One of the characteristics of love relationships that flower is a relatively high degree of mutual self- disclosure — a willingness to let our partner enter into the interior of our private world and a genuine interest in the private world of that partner. Couples in love tend to show more of themselves to each other than to any other person. Nathaniel Branden
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… and is the only way to open up to being truly loved

  • We are afraid that if people really knew us they wouldn’t love us…. And although we are afraid to reveal ourselves because of the possibility of rejection, it is only by revealing ourselves that we will ever open the possibility of truly being loved. Matthew Kelly
  • Love
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Intimacy is looking deeply into someone’s eyes

  • Jason once told me that eye contact is the most intimacy two people can have — forget sex – – because the optic nerve is technically an extension of the brain, and when two people look into each other’s eyes, it’s brain- to-brain.  Douglas Coupland
  • The deepest moments of intimacy occur when you’re not talking. Patricia Love
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Intimacy is about compassion

  • You can relate to somebody’s pain and you have compassion, which can lead to intimacy. Jeff Bridges
  • Compassion
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Intimacy is not necessarily about sex

  • A man in a relationship trades intimacy to get sex. A woman in a relationship trades sex to get intimacy. Old Proverb
  • Among men, sex sometimes results in intimacy; among women, intimacy sometimes results in sex. Barbara Cartland
  • The true feeling of sex is that of a deep intimacy, but above all of a deep complicity. James Dickey
  • Physical love is total intimacy. It is the sign that the lovers have nothing to refuse each other, that they belong wholly to each other.  Leclercq
  • Sex is not intimacy. Sex doesn’t equal intimacy. Sex isn’t absolutely necessary for intimacy. Intimacy is the one thing that a person cannot live happily without. Matthew Kelly
  • Physical intimacy isn’t and can never be an effective substitute for emotional intimacy. John Green
  • Sexuality
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Intimacy is not a matter of how long you have known someone

  • It is not time or opportunity that is to determine intimacy;—it is disposition alone. Seven years would be insufficient to make some people acquainted with each other, and seven days are more than enough for others. Jane Austen
  • Depending on the situation, sometimes you can know a person better in ten minutes than someone you have crossed paths with all your life. David Baldacci
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Intimacy is deeper than passion

  • Passion is the quickest to develop, and the quickest to fade. Intimacy develops more slowly, and commitment more gradually still. Robert Sternberg
  • Passion
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The rewards of intimacy

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Intimacy is the opposite of loneliness

  • The opposite of Loneliness is not Togetherness , It’s Intimacy. Richard Bach
  • The most devastating form of loneliness is not to be without friends; rather, it is to be surrounded by friends and never to be truly known. Matthew Kelly
  • We can’t be loved for who we are if we won’t reveal ourselves. Unrevealed, we never experience intimacy. Unwilling to reveal ourselves, we remain always alone. Matthew Kelly
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Loving intimacy raises us to the highest level of human experience …

  • When love is accompanied with deep intimacy, it raises us to the highest level of human experience. In this exalted space, we can surrender our egos, become able and know levels of joy and well-being unique among life experiences. We attain a glimpse of the rapture that can be ours. Boundaries are blurred, there are no limitations and we rejoice in union. We become one and, at the same time, both…. Leo Buscaglia
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… for intimacy is of the soul

  • Real intimacy is a sacred experience. It never exposes its secret trust and belonging to the voyeuristic eye of a neon culture. Real intimacy is of the soul, and the soul is reserved. John O’Donohue
  • Technologies of the soul tend to be simple, bodily, slow and related to the heart as much as the mind. Everything around us tells us we should be mechanically sophisticated, electronic, quick, and informational in our expressiveness – an exact antipode to the virtues of the soul. It is no wonder, then, that in an age of telecommunications – which, by the way, literally means “distant connections” – we suffer symptoms of the loss of soul.  We are being urged from everyside to become efficient rather than intimate.  Thomas Moore
  • The soul
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Intimacy is a healing and healthy force

  • I wonder if this is how people always get close: They heal each other’s wounds; they repair the broken skin. Lauren Oliver
  • The reward of making ourselves vulnerable is mental health. Matthew Kelly
  • Can the purpose of a relationship be to trigger our wounds? In a way, yes, because that is how healing happens; darkness must be exposed before it can be transformed. The purpose of an intimate relationship is not that it be a place where we can hide from our weaknesses, but rather where we can safely let them go. It takes strength of character to truly delve into the mystery of an intimate relationship, because it takes the strength to endure a kind of psychic surgery, an emotional and psychological and even spiritual initiation into the higher Self. Only then can we know an enchantment that lasts.  Marianne Williamson
  • Healing
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Intimacy creates understanding and love

  • The value of the personal relationship to all things is that it creates intimacy. . . and intimacy creates understanding. . . and understanding creates love.  Anaïs Nin
  • UnderstandingLove
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Intimacy is a doorway into self-knowledge …

  • ..”into me I see”…Wow, that really woke me up! Could I find love by looking into myself?  Lisa Nichols
  • Relationships keep us honest. They provide the mirrors necessary to see and know ourselves. Matthew Kelly
  • Self-knowledge
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… leading each of you to yourselves

  • As soon as the love relationship does not lead me to me, as soon as I in a love relationship do not lead another person to himself, this love, even if it seems to be the most secure and ecstatic attachment I have ever experienced, is not true love. For real love is dedicated to continual becoming. Leo Buscaglia
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Intimacy allows a relationship to flourish

  • For a relationship to flourish, there must be intimacy. It takes an enormous amount of courage to say to your partner, “This is me. I’m not proud of it — in fact, I’m a little embarrassed by it — but this is who I am.” Bill Hybels
  • Principles for healthy relationships
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Intimacy is a form of sacred energy …

  • Intimacy is to love what concentration is to work: a simultaneous drawing together to attention and release of energy. Robert Grudin
  • Oh, the miraculous energy that flows between two people who care enough to get beyond surfaces and games, who are willing to take the risks of being totally open, of listening, of responding with the whole heart. How much we can do for each other. Alex Noble
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… a sacred, divine connection

  • Perhaps God is in the space between people as they try to connect. Before Sunrise
  • When two people relate to each other authentically and humanly, God is the electricity that surges between them. Martin Buber
  • Connection
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The requirements for intimacy

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Intimacy requires trust, kindness and honesty

  • A person’s life would be wretched and confined if it were to miss the candid intimacy developed by mutual trust and esteem. Edwin Dummer
  • All intimacy is rare — that’s what makes it precious. And it involves the revelation of one’s self and the loving gaze upon another’s true self (no makeup, no fancy car, no defensive charm, no seduction) — that’s what makes it so damn hard. Intimacy requires honesty and kindness in almost equal measure (a little more kindness, I think), trust and trustworthiness, forgiveness and the capacity to be forgiven . . . It’s more than worth it — just don’t let them tell you it’s bliss. Amy Bloom
  • TrustKindnessHonesty
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Intimacy requires keeping your mind open

  • You need not have identical points of view on all issues to sustain a vibrant relationship…. Keeping an open mind is an important part of intellectual intimacy. Matthew Kelly
  • Open-mindedness
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Intimacy requires courage

  • Fear is also the universal scapegoat we blame when we take flight from intimacy or shrink up inside ourselves in a thousand little ways. Dan Millman
  • For a marriage relationship to flourish, there must be intimacy. It takes an enormous amount of courage to say to your spouse, “This is me. I’m not proud of it — in fact, I’m a little embarrassed by it – but this is who I am.” Bill Hybels
  • I think we’re scared of intimacy – all of us, a little bit. Brit Marling
  • Intimacy is unattainable for those who refuse to take the risk of making themselves vulnerable. Matthew Kelly
  • Courage
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Create intimacy

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Intimacy begins with oneself

  • Intimacy begins with oneself. It does no good to try to find intimacy with friends, lovers, and family if you are starting out from alienation and division within yourself. Thomas Moore
  • Intimacy begins at home, with oneself. It does no good to try to find intimacy with friends, lovers and family if you are starting out from alienation and division within yourself. Thomas Moore
  • The most intimate question we can ask, and the one that has the most spiritual power, is this: What or who am I? Gaia Child
  • We become comfortable with ourselves only when we acknowledge that we have strengths and weaknesses…. We learn to be comfortable with ourselves… only by spending time alone. Matthew Kelly
  • Self-love
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Create intimacy with the world around you

  • It’s the most precious thing…to know absolutely where you belong. There’s a whole emotional wrapping- around-of- you- here. You see the same rock, tree, road, clouds, sun – you develop a nice kind of intimacy with the world around you. To be intimate is to grow, to learn… [it] is absolutely fulfilling. Intimacy, that’s my magic word for why I live here. Tessie Naranjo
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Create intimacy with each life experience you have

  • Most people have come to prefer certain of life’s experiences and deny and reject others, unaware of the value of the hidden things that may come wrapped in plain and even ugly paper. In avoiding all pain and seeking comfort at all costs, we may be left without intimacy or compassion; in rejecting change and risk we often cheat ourselves of the quest; in denying our suffering we may never know our strength or our greatness. Rachel Naomi Remen
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Create intimacy with God

  • What makes humility so desirable is the marvelous thing it does to us; it creates in us a capacity for the closest possible intimacy with God. Monica Baldwin
  • When we learn from experience, the scars of sin can lead us to restoration and a renewed intimacy with God. Charles Stanley
  • Whatever your heart clings to and confides in, that is really your God. Martin Luther
  • God
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Intimacy is seeing God in another

  • True love has nothing to do with liking someone, agreeing with him or her, or being compatible. It is a love of unity, a love of seeing God wearing all the masks and recognizing itself in them all. Without it, Truth becomes an abstraction that is sort of cool and analytical, and that is not the real Truth. The Truth exposes itself in the willingness to open to this intimate connectedness with everything. Whether the personality likes it or not, an intimate connection is there. Sometimes it will rush to the fore and make itself known in a very obvious way. Sometimes it will burn in the background like embers, just there for everything.  With this love, you can feel the walls of opposition come down naturally in the acknowledgement of a deep connection. Not only do the walls of opposition fall, but love is felt for every human being and for life itself. Adyashanti
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Intimacy should be spontaneous and natural, never forced

  • All self-revelation and intimacy in friendship must be spontaneous and natural. It must come like the opening of a flower in the sunshine and cannot be forced. Bertha Conde
  • Spontaneity
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Final thoughts

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Intimacy and marriage

  • I’m certain that most couples expect to find intimacy in marriage, but it somehow eludes them. Dr. James C. Dobson
  • Perhaps my problem in marriage-and it is the problem of many women-was to want both intimacy and independence. It is a difficult line to walk, yet both needs are important to a marriage. Hedy Lamarr
  • In my mind, marriage is a spiritual partnership and union in which we willingly give and receive love, create and share intimacy, and open ourselves to be available and accessible to another human being in order to heal, learn and grow. Iyanla Vanzant
  • The married are those who have taken the terrible risk of intimacy and, having taken it, know life without intimacy to be impossible. Carolyn Heilbrun
  • For a marriage relationship to flourish, there must be intimacy. It takes an enormous amount of courage to say to your spouse, This is me. I’m not proud of it (Quote by – in fact, I’m a little embarrassed by it – but this is who I am. Bill Hybels
  • Marriage
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For men, intimacy in relationships can be a cycle

  • When a man loves a woman, periodically he needs to pull away before he can get closer. A man automatically alternates between needing intimacy and autonomy. The man grows to understand his own cycles and reassures her when he pulls away that he will be back. John Gray
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Intimacy and embarrassment

  • At least embarrassment is not an imitation. It is intimacy for beginners. Alice Fulton
  • But that intimacy of mutual embarrassment, in which each feels that the other is feeling something, having once existed, its effect is not to be done away with. George Eliot
  • Embarrassment
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On a lighter note

  • My fear of abandonment is exceeded only by my terror of intimacy. Ethlie Ann Vare
  • My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me. Garry Shandling
  • I would venture to warn against too great intimacy with artists as it is very seductive and a little dangerous. Queen Victoria
  • Intimacy: A relation into which fools are providentially drawn for their mutual destruction.  Ambrose Bierce
  • Intimacy: The first step toward parenthood.
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