Approval seeking is based on false beliefs including …
- I am not worthy of love unless you think I am.
- How I feel about myself needs to depend on how you feel about me.
- I am how you judge me to be.
- Your opinion of me is more important than my own opinion of me.
- I am not whole and complete
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In seeking approval, I pay a heavy price
- I waste energy and time, the precious stuff that life is made of.
- I’m driven to try to manipulate you and your mind.
- I stop sharing all of myself.
- I sacrifice my uniqueness in an attempt to fit in.
- I pretend to be who I am not. Then when you say, “I love you,” I can’t believe it, because I know you’re loving someone that doesn’t even exist.
- I put my happiness in another’s keeping, making myself their hostage, and I become easy to own, control and manipulate.
- I make everyone my judge, opening up the fear of rejection and criticism.
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Approval seeking is bound to lead to disappointment and pain
- It’s impossible to control what others think.
- It’s impossible to please everyone. In fact, trying to do so is the surest way to fail.
- Even the warmest and most sincere approval can be taken away at any time for any reason.
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External approval is actually worth very little
- When someone says they approve of me, I can never know for sure if it’s sincere or even true.
- The approval of another is just their projection; part of their story. When someone approves of me, they’re approving of their story of me; not me myself.
- Approval can be taken away at the snap of a finger.
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Letting go of the need for approval brings wonderful rewards
- I am able to be me. That’s true freedom.
- My eyes are opened to my natural worth and I start gaining my own approval and respect.
- I become a student. I’m totally open.
- I become tranquil and peaceful.
- Paradoxically, the less I care about seeking approval, the more I tend to get.
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The truth is that who I am needs no external approval to be worthy of love
- Who I am in essence is Consciousness which is perfect, whole and complete already.
- The human form I temporarily take is perfect for the Consciousness I am to experience what it wants to experience through it.
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I free myself of the need to seek approval from others
- My need to be approved by others is my own need to be approved by myself. To seek approval is to assume I’m not whole.
- Life is too short to waste time waiting for other people to approve of me and how I live my life.
- I do not exist to impress the world. I exist to live my life in a way that will make me happy. And to be a loving space for others. If others approve of me, that’s wonderful. And if they don’t approve of me, that’s good too. It doesn’t effect my life or happiness.
- The only person I want approval from is me. Instead of seeking love and acceptance from others, I work on loving and accepting myself.
- I don’t want people’s approval. I want people to think the way they think. That’s love.
- I focus more on recognising the treasure in others than on trying to get them to recognise the merits in me.
- I realise deeply that the source of what I seek externally is in me already. I am perfect and complete with everything I need right here, right now to be happy. My happiness depends on nothing external.
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Questions to ask myself
- Do I seek others’ approval more than my own?
- Whose approval do I most crave? Whose disapproval do I most fear?
- In what areas of my life do I seek the approval of others the most?
- Do I often say yes when I’d rather say no?
- Do I often avoid expressing my needs and wants to my loved ones?
- Do I give insincere compliments to others in order to get approval?
- More questions
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Expressions and consequences of approval seeking
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Antidotes to approval seeking
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