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In my direct experience in this moment, what do I know with absolute certainty to be true and real?

Firstly, in this moment, I know I exist. In other words, I know “I am”.  How?  Because I am aware of being aware.

Secondly in this moment, I know “I am experiencing something”. How?  Because thoughts, feelings, sensations and perceptions are arising in my awareness.

Life is a stream of experiences arising in my awareness and may not be real. It could all be a dream.  But even if it is, I know with absolute certainty that “I am” and that “I am experiencing”.

So who am?  Who is it that is experiencing my experiences?

In the deepest sense, I am that which is aware of being aware.  I am awareness itself.

You could also say I am that which is aware of a stream of thoughts, feelings, sensations and perceptions arising.  In other words, I am Awareness experiencing.

Awareness I am.  Awareness I am experiencing. 

Awareness (also commonly known as consciousness) is the ultimate scientific mystery.  Why do we have inner experiences at all? And why is there no physical sign of consciousness anywhere, in the brain or otherwise? 

If science can tell me nothing of awareness, and yet it is what I am in essence, how can I come to know the nature of it?  The answer is simple.  By investigating the nature of awareness within my own direct experience. 

I sit quietly and turn my attention to my experience in this moment.

• Am I aware?  Yes. The awareness I am is aware it is aware. “It is” and “it knows it is”.  Awareness existing and knowing itself is an indisputable reality. 
• In this moment, the awareness I am is aware of thoughts, feelings, sensations and perceptions arising in it.  It knows itself and it knows experiencing.  
• Was there ever a time in my experience when awareness was not present?  No.  Awareness contains and knows every experience that has ever been experienced by me or anyone else.  
• Does awareness change or grow old?  No.  Experiences come and go in awareness, including the perception of grey hairs arising, but the awareness with which these experiences are known stays forever the same.  
• Can awareness be known as an object by the mind?  No.  Awareness is the eternal subject. It cannot be known by a thought.  Only awareness can ever know awareness.  How?  By being aware.  Awareness knows itself simply by being itself.    
• Does awareness exist in my head?  It may feel like awareness is behind my eyes, but this is an illusion created by the fact that visual perceptions seem to appear there.  But awareness is actually dimensionless.  It does not exist in this world of time and space.  All perceptions, including my perceptions of time and space, arise in it. 
• What are my experiences made of?  My culture tells me that my outer experiences are made of matter; matter than can exists independently of awareness.  However, this is not my direct experience.  When I see an apparent object “out there”, it is not the object I see but the seeing of it arising in my awareness. In other words, awareness is not just the experiencer of my experiences. It is also the very substance of all my experiences.  Awareness only ever experiences itself. The experiencer (awareness being) and the experience (awareness knowing) are actually one.

I direct my attention away from objective experiences and allow it to sink back into the pure awareness of being aware.  

Everything disappears from awareness except the pure awareness of being aware, that which I know myself to be.

I go deeper and deeper into the awareness I am.  

An inner spaciousness opens up that expands until it feels like it could be infinite.  There is an indescribable peace.

I realise that even the sense “I am” is a subtle perception in the awareness I am.  Even the “I” disappears and there is just pure beingness.  Ever-present, unchanging, dimensionless, unlimited, imperceivable yet infinitely knowable Being.  Being Knowing itself.

The knowing that arises is the purest knowing I have ever known.

I am that infinite Being Knowing itself.

The Awareness I Am is none other than God’s Infinite Being.

The Awareness I Am, experiencing through this human form, is none other than God experiencing.

God I Am appearing as form, experiencing through form.

God I am having a human experience.

God I am experiencing not just through this human form but through all living forms, in this world and in many others.

If I were formless, timeless, dimensionless Being with the potential to know, do and create absolutely anything, what would I do?  

Would I remain forever as the ever-present oneness of bliss?  Sure!  That is my inherent nature and where my inner most Being would always rest.

But being the Ultimate Creator, with pure potentiality also as my inherent nature, wouldn’t I also choose to create a host of wondrous worlds?

And if I were the creator of worlds, would I choose to remain in my separate “heavenly” dimension and watch the inhabitants of these worlds with a judgemental eye, particularly preoccupied with the purity of their sex lives?   

No?  Well then, would I perhaps create worlds as a kind of petri-dish experiment to peer into once in a while, indifferent to the outcome?  

To find my truth, I go within and ask these questions to my inner most being.

The answer is resonating and clear.

If I were God, I would create worlds and then dive into them to experience their wonders directly, not vicariously!  To experience life “in person”.

• If I were infinite Oneness, I would want to experience being separate for a time and then awaken to the delight of recognising myself in everyone.  And in so doing, realise that I am love itself.

• If I were formless, I would want to experience being a finite form for a while and then awaken to the realisation that what I really am is infinite and eternal.

• If I were limitless, I would want to experience being limited for a while and then experience evolving back from limited to limitlessness; from sludge to ocean to land to sky to space.

• If I existed in a state of eternal peace and ease, I would want to experience being challenged for a while and experience the elation of triumphing over adversity.

• If I were nothing but the light, I would want to experience and explore my nature in a world of both light and dark. I would want to experience the presence of me (light) and also the absence of me (dark).

• If I were Truth itself, I would want to experience an exhilarating scientific and spiritual treasure hunt, paved with clues and discoveries, that gradually reveal the profound truths of existence and lead ultimately back to Myself.  

• If I were The One Life, I would want to experience being a vast diversity of different living forms. I would want to soar on feathered wings.  I would want to scurry through vast termite halls.  I would want to feel the sun on my outstretched leaves.

• If I was able to create worlds of beauty and splendour, I would want to explore those worlds directly through the eyes of a chid.  I would create the experiences of wonder and awe and beauty.  I would want to look out into a vast night sky and experience a sense of the immensity of my own Being.

• If I were the Ultimate Creator, I would want to experience creating through form.  I would want to write poems, compose symphonies, paint and sculpt, dance, take photos, make cinematic masterpieces, design buildings and build bird nests.

• If I were All Being and All Knowing, I would want to obscure the knowing of my true Being while experiencing as form.  Then through some forms, I would allow myself the opportunity to awaken to Myself. The greater the realisation and knowing of my true Being through form, the greater would be my access to my spiritual power in the form of love, healing, creativity, peace, joy, intuition, and wonder.

Yes indeed.  If were God, I would choose to embrace the experience of life in all its beauty and struggle.  To suck the marrow out of the experience of life.  And then, when my experience through each form comes to an end, I would experience sinking back into the ever-present fullness and bliss of who I truly Am.

No, it is not.  It is not absolutely true.  No thought or concept can encapsulate absolute truth.  They can only point to it.  Absolute truth is a state of being in which an absolute knowing arises.  It is a state when all words and concepts fall away. It is something you need to experience for yourself.

Relatives truths do exist. A relative truth is that which points to absolute truth. However, relative truth is subjective. A truth that acts as a good pointer for one will not work for another.

First, contemplate the apparent truth.  Go inwards to your inner most being and contemplate it deeply.  Does it resonate?  In other words, does it inspire the mind to quieten?  Does it open the heart?  Does it give rise to a sense of spaciousness within?  Yes?  If so, it has potential.

Second, try on the apparent truth like a loose garment. See how it feels to wear it for a while, knowing you can discard it at any time.  Relate to the world as if it were true and see how it effects your direct experience of life.  If it brings a growing sense of happiness, love and peace, then it is working for you.  If not, discard it, and try on another truth. 

As a truth works its magic in your life, there will come a time when the mind is ready to surrender. And in that letting go, a state of Being beyond the mind arises in which reality is revealed.  This state of knowing can take different forms.  Sometimes it arises as love; full yet bottomless.  Sometimes it arises as peace; empty yet vast.  In this state of Being, the Knowing that arises is so unshakeable that you are forever changed.  It is a state in which Being Knows itself.  Being and Knowing merge to become one.

Some fear that waking up to the “non-reality” of the world will make them lose interest in life.  In my experience, the opposite has been true.  Even if the physical world is not real, the experience of it is indisputably real.  In fact, the experience of it feels far more vivid and intense for me now.  I have awoken to the fact that life is a wondrous, mysterious, joyous experience to be embraced.  It still has its ups and downs and challenges, for that is exactly how life on this planet has been designed to be.  But I no longer take it all so seriously. I have realised that the life that God is living through the temporary form “I” take is like a kind of dream or movie.  And all I need to do is sit back in the seat of awareness and enjoy it.  I find myself playing more and laughing more and loving more and creating more, because knowing who I truly am somehow opens the gate to amazing spiritual creativity and power.  Also, I am no longer afraid of death. Death is but the end of the movie. It is waking up from the dream.

I have also been able to embrace my humanness and my limitations, and this has been immensely healing.  I am now able to love every part of myself especially my foibles and imperfections.  I no longer think of myself as a human being trying to become perfect like God.  I am God wanting to have a human experience.  And this temporary form, including its body and its mind, is perfect in every way for the experience to be exactly as it is meant to be.  All is well, and all is as it is meant to be.

Most wonderful of all has been the blissful recognition that God is not just experiencing being “me”.  God is experiencing being everyone. God is experiencing being my family and friends and Mack, my dog. God is experiencing being everyone I meet and have ever met. And God is experiencing being every ant and every plant.  Everyone and everything is God.  God is experiencing nothing but God.  It is all God.  And I Am That.  With this realisation comes a love and a joy so deep and explosive, it is beyond description.