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A victim mentality feels powerless and helpless in the face of misfortune

• Victim: A person who has come to feel helpless and passive in the face of misfortune or ill-treatment. Oxford Dictionary
• Victim mentality is a learned personality trait in which a person feels powerless and unable to cope or take action in difficult situations. This person tends to see him/herself as a victim of the negative actions of others, and continues to feel this way even after the negative situation or actions are no longer real or relevant. Barrie Davenport
• A victim is a person, who believes that something or someone is externally controlling his life. Victims see themselves as impotent, believe that external factors control their life, and see life as a wall of insurmountable circumstances. Luminita Saviuc
• A victim is someone who feels powerless, and is therefore unable to take appropriate action to resolve situations adversely affecting their well-being. Osiris Montenegro
• Shame,  Excuses,  Responsibility,  Blaming,  Self-pity,  Complaining

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A victim mentality blames outside forces for its misfortunes

• We all know people who “victims” are — people who view their lives through the filter: “It’s not my fault. They [or it] did it to me. The primary source of feeling like a victim is the feeling of powerlessness, and because we don’t like feeling that we are powerless, we tend to blame someone or something for causing that feeling. So we feel that we are a victim of circumstances or other people’s actions and that we can’t do anything about it. Being a victim is experiencing yourself at the effect of something outside yourself.  Morty Lefkoe
• Victims are, by definition, people who do not acknowledge responsibility for their actions and who blame outside forces. Morty Lefkoe
• A victim mentality is one in which someone blames others for what happens or has happened in their world. It can also be considered a person who thinks the future only holds bad things for them or they are “unlucky.” It’s buying into and believing that circumstances are beyond your control.  Emily Roberts
• Blaming

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A victim mentality depends on others

• The victim mentality can be understood as a repetitive way of negative thinking where the victim has come to believe that others, not them, are responsible for their experiences and fulfilling their needs. Osiris Montenegro
• People identified with the victim mentality are unable to fulfill their core survival needs on their own. This precarious situation makes them dependent on others to feel safe, feel good and experience belonging and love. Osiris Montenegro
• The victim mentality comes from a person getting stuck in a stage of development where they feel helpless lacking access to inner resources to take care of themselves. Osiris Montenegro

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A victim mentality is passive, believing it has no control

• Definition of a victim: a person to whom life happens. Peter McWilliams
• To be depressed or neurotic is passive. It happened to us; we are its victim, and we have no control over it. William Glasser
• If your style is passive, you may seem to be shy or overly easy-going. You tend to avoid conflict. Why is that a problem? Because the message you’re sending is that your thoughts and feelings aren’t as important as those of other people. In essence, when you’re too passive, you give others the license to disregard your wants and needs. The internal conflict that can be created by passive behavior can lead to stress, resentment, seething anger and feelings of victimization.  Mayo Clinic
• Control

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A victim mentality loves to complain

• The victim mentality is characterized by an attitude of blaming and complaining. Osiris Montenegro
• Complaining

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A victim mentality uses the language of “woe is me” and “it’s not my fault”

• Most victims can be identified by their conversation, which consists of a lot of “woe is me” and “it’s not my fault” language. However, there also is the “stoic” victim. Such people do not complain, and they keep a “stiff upper lip,” but underneath they experience a sense of victimization. Such people frequently don’t even let themselves know how they are feeling. Morty Lefkoe

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Having a victim mentality has its short-term payoffs …

• Being a victim in life can serve you in some ways. You may have people pity you because your life is so horrible, and that pity can make you feel valued. You may receive attention from others for your victim behavior (even negative attention) and feel that it is the only way you can receive attention. It is much easier to blame, feel bad, and point the finger than it is to take responsibility for your own happiness and try to feel good.   Barrie Davenport
• The victim mentality brings a payoff. When we are in the victim position, we get attention, sympathy and support from people. There is no need to take risks or responsibility. Being a victim gives us an excuse to explain our life circumstances.  It is an excuse for the fact that we have not achieved anything.  “Poor Me” gives you a sense identity (albeit false).  It makes you feel special. This gives you a passive power that calls people to give you attention and pity.  Luminita D. Saviuc

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… but makes you pay a heavy price in the longer term

• There is a fine line between compassion and a victim mentality. Compassion though is a healing force and comes from a place of kindness towards yourself. Playing the victim is a toxic waste of time that not only repels other people, but also robs the victim of ever knowing true happiness. Bronnie Ware
• The victim mindset dilutes the human potential. By not accepting personal responsibility for our circumstances, we greatly reduce our power to change them. Steve Maraboli
• That’s the thing about being a victim; you start to think it’ll happen to you on a regular basis. It’s living with the reality of your own vulnerability, and it sucks. Dennis Lehane

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Having a victim mentality is a coping mechanism but one that disempowers …

• Any negative, traumatizing event that makes us feel powerless can foster a victim mentality. It becomes a coping mechanism to survive fear, pain, and to reclaim our basic psychological needs of safety, love, affection, belonging, and self-esteem. Unfortunately, it’s not a very attractive or empowering mindset. Barrie Davenport

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… because it severely undermines your ability to do something about your situation

• The reason feeling victimized is so debilitating is that it undermines your ability to do anything about your situation. If you are having difficulties in any area of your life, such as relationships or money, and you experience yourself as powerful and in control of your life, you can devise a strategy to improve your situation. And if one solution doesn’t work, you can learn from your experience and try again. But if you have a victim mentality, you are likely to feel that the world is “doing it” to you and that there is nothing you can do about it. Morty Lefkoe

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Are you showing the signs of a victim mentality?

• Victims may be defensive, submissive, over-accommodating to others, passive- aggressive in conflict, dependent on others for self-worth, overly sensitive, even manipulative. They’re often angry, resentful, and envious, feeling unworthy or ashamed about their circumstances. Have you ever felt or acted this way? David Emerald
• Are there situations and circumstances that you have been blaming others for? Ones that you can honestly say you had a part in? Even if you had the slightest part of this experience, taking note that you were part of it, can give you the freedom to learn from this and move forward. It may be difficult to do, but is very valuable in building a new lens on life. Emily Roberts

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Become aware of your victim mindset and how it is affecting your life

• All change begins with awareness. When you recognize yourself as someone clinging to a victim mentality, and you see how it’s holding you back from living a full and happy life, you’ve taken the first step toward recovery. Of course, self-honesty is essential. It may be embarrassing or uncomfortable to admit you have this mindset, but it is truly a courageous shift toward growth.  Barrie Davenport
• Think about how you may have ‘learned helplessness’. Did your past learning teach you passivity? Is the ‘cage door’ really still closed? Remember that learned helplessness is an illusion. Mark Tyrrell

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Recognise that a victim mentality does not serve you

• If you see any of the traits of victim mentality in yourself, the first step is recognizing how this state of mind is kicking your butt and stealing the joy from your life. There is absolutely nothing to be gained from remaining a victim. Self-empowerment is the most liberating, exhilarating feeling in the world. Barrie Davenport
• Your complaints, your drama, your victim mentality, your whining, your blaming, and all of your excuses have NEVER gotten you even a single step closer to your goals or dreams. Let go of your nonsense. Let go of the delusion that you DESERVE better and go EARN it! Today is a new day! Steve Maraboli

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Letting go of a victim mentality changes life for the better

• It is not uncommon for someone to be a self-saboteur and compound that by also having a victim mentality. It is as though they are holding their own breath and then blaming others for their inability to breathe. If they can break free from this cycle, everything in their life changes for the better. Steve Maraboli

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Realise you have the power to rise above misfortunes and shape your life

• Today is a new day. Don’t let your history interfere with your destiny! Let today be the day you stop being a victim of your circumstances and start taking action towards the life you want. You have the power and the time to shape your life. Break free from the poisonous victim mentality and embrace the truth of your greatness. You were not meant for a mundane or mediocre life! Steve Maraboli
• There are two different kinds of people in the world. There are people who instinctively look for every chance to be a “victim” and those who look for every chance to rise above—regardless of where they are in life and what’s happening around them. There are people who realize their ability to create (greatly influence) reality toward a positive direction for themselves and those around them, and unfortunately those who use this power we all have for destructive purposes for themselves and others—many times without even knowing what they’re doing or the power they have inside themselves. We are all powerful individuals. Let’s use that power to create something beautiful!  Christopher Hawke

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Realise the power of conscious choice

• Living from the Creator Orientation is actually more challenging. In the Victim Orientation, I didn’t have to exercise conscious choice; I just reacted to my circumstances. David Emerald
• Spiritual progress is based on acceptance as a matter of free will and choice and thus everyone experiences only the world of their own choosing. The universe is totally free of victims and all eventualities are the unfolding of inner choice and decision. David R. Hawkins
• Choice

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Realise the problem is not “out there”

• As long as you think that the cause of your problem is “out there”—as long as you think that anyone or anything is responsible for your suffering—the situation is hopeless. It means that you are forever in the role of victim, that you’re suffering in paradise.   Byron Katie

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You can’t change having been a victim, but you can change how you think about it

• You can’t change having been a victim, but you can change how you think about what is happening or what happened. Victim mentality is something you do to yourself that compounds awful things that have happened to you, sometimes immobilizing you in sadness and pain. It is seeing the deficits. Barrie Davenport

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Determine to take more control of your life

• If you want to be happy, successful and have peace of mind, then take control of your life. Determine your own set of values and core beliefs, and then live by them. Accept personal responsibility for everything that has happened, or that will happen, in your life. If there is something that you don’t like or that is causing you grief, change it. Get out of the victim mode and above all, never forget that you always have choices.   Peter Jordaan
• A strong, successful man is not the victim of his environment. He creates favorable conditions. His own inherent force and energy compel things to turn out as he desires. Orison Swett Marden
• We are called to be architects of the future, not its victims. Buckminster Fuller
• Control,  Living consciously

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Determine to become more proactive

• Be proactive. There is always something you can do, even if it’s an inward change. Mark Tyrrell
• Proactiveness

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Determine to claim your personal power

• It is no fun being a victim. I refuse to be helpless anymore. I claim my own power.  Louise L. Hay

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Determine to take responsibility for your life

• If it’s never our fault, we can’t take responsibility for it. If we can’t take responsibility for it, we’ll always be its victim. Richard Bach
• Responsibility

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Determine to rise above and become better than what happened to you

• If what you are able to give to others, in this life, is only proportionate to what you received from people in your past— it only means one thing. You are a victim of life’s circumstances, a direct and utter equivalent of what has been done to you. Rise above and become more! Be better than what happened to you. JoyBell C.
• It would be easy to become a victim of our circumstances and continue feeling sad, scared or angry; or instead, we could choose to deal with injustice humanely and break the chains of negative thoughts and energies, and not let ourselves sink into it. Erin Gruwell

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Determine to be the heroine of your life, not a victim

• I can choose either to be a victim of the world or an adventurer in search of treasure. It’s all a question of how I view my life. Paulo Coelho
• Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim. Nora Ephron
• I am not a victim. No matter what I have been through, I’m still here. I have a history of victory. Steve Maraboli
• There’s a tendency today to absolve individuals of moral responsibility and treat them as victims of social circumstance. You buy that; you pay with your soul. What limits people is lack of character. What limits people is that they don’t have the nerve to star in their own fucking movie, let alone direct it. Tom Robbins

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Determine to be a survivor, not a victim

• You can be a victim of cancer, or a survivor of cancer. It’s a mindset. Dave Pelzer  
• I am a survivor and not a victim. Life isn’t perfect. When you get a knock, you have to get up, dust yourself down and get on with it. Patsy Kensit

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Determine to be a victor, not a victim

• Never say that you can’t do something, or that something seems impossible, or that something can’t be done, no matter how discouraging or harrowing it may be; human beings are limited only by what we allow ourselves to be limited by: our own minds. We are each the masters of our own reality; when we become self-aware to this: absolutely anything in the world is possible. Master yourself, and become king of the world around you. Let no odds, chastisement, exile, doubt, fear, or ANY mental virii prevent you from accomplishing your dreams. Never be a victim of life; be it’s conqueror. Mike Norton
• Life is not compassionate towards victims. The trick is not to see yourself as one. It’s never too late! I know I’ve felt like the victim in various situations in my life, but, it’s never too late for me to realize that it’s my responsibility to stand on victorious ground and know that whatever it is I’m experiencing or going through, those are just the clouds rolling by while I stand here on the top of this mountain! This mountain called Victory! The clouds will come and the clouds will go, but the truth is that I’m high up here on this mountaintop that reaches into the sky! I am a victor. I didn’t climb up the mountain, I was born on top of it!   JoyBell C.
• The first step in transforming the victim mentality is to transform your identity from victim to victor, one who conquers and overcomes defeat. Osiris Montenegro
• The values of the victim include among others: focusing on feeling comfortable, taking the easy way out, striving for safety by avoiding conflicts and confrontations, being deceitful, and most of all being irresponsible by blaming and complaining. The values of the victor include: being responsible and disciplined, being courageous and brave demonstrating an unwavering commitment to face all fears, being loyal, honest, and having honor and integrity which lead to self-respect. Osiris Montenegro
• Victory,  Winning

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Stop complaining and take constructive action

• To complain is always nonacceptance of what is. It invariably carries an unconscious negative charge. When you complain, you make yourself a victim. Leave the situation or accept it. All else is madness. Eckhart Tolle
• Action

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Find reasons to be grateful

• The problem that we have with a victim mentality is that we forget to see the blessings of the day. Because of this, our spirit is poisoned instead of nourished. Steve Maraboli
• Your past pain is only one part of your life. But you have so many other experiences, people, and things to feel happy about. Identify everything you are grateful for in your life right now. Write them down, and mentally or verbally express gratitude about them every single day. Barrie Davenport
• Rather than focusing on what you don’t have or what happened that has kept you locked into this role, look at everything you do have. Take a moment to see what you have learned about yourself from these experiences. Ask yourself what beautiful outcomes have been created by past situations that may not have appeared to be in your best interest, but have created the you that you are today. Think of all that you have to be grateful for and often times your focus will be on the positive not the negative. Emily Roberts
• Gratitude

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Focus on what you want; not what you don’t want

• One of the fundamental differences between the Victim Orientation and the Creator is where you put your focus of attention… For Victims, the focus is always on what they don’t want: the problems that seem constantly to multiply in their lives. Creators, on the other hand, place their focus on what they do want. Doing this, Creators still face and solve problems in the course of creating outcomes they want, but their focus remains fixed on their ultimate vision. David Emerald
• Whereas the Victims constantly focus on all the things that’re wrong in their lives, the Creator gets clear on what she wants. So, what do you want? Brian Johnson

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Make a plan and take action

• Make a plan. Decide to do something, even if the plan doesn’t seem directly related to your situation. Determine to eat better, relax more, exercise, or be more assertive. Making a plan – whatever it is – instantly diminishes a sense of being a victim. Mark Tyrrell
• Planning,  Action

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See all situations as opportunities and lessons

• Embrace each and every thing that happens as an opportunity. When something “bad” happens ask, “What is the universe trying to tell me?” Often it’s saying stop, slow down, and come back to the present before your life zips passed you. And if it’s not saying that, it’s saying something. So listen. Accept situations as signs or opportunities, and remember that there is a purpose and a greater good to each. Look for the lesson rather than getting stuck in victim mode. Jackie Vecchio
• Opportunity,  Learning,  Life is a university

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Stop yielding to the seductive pull of self-pity

• Accept fate, and move on. Don’t yield to the seductive pull of self-pity. Acting like a victim threatens your future.
• Self-pity is easily the most destructive of the nonpharmaceutical narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the victim from reality. John W. Gardner
• Self-pity

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Let go of the grim pleasure of being a victim

• Everyone gets a secret pleasure from resentments, from being the martyr or the victim, and from feeling misunderstood, unappreciated, etc… To undo the ego, one must be willing to abandon this payoff game, with its grandstanding of emotions and repetitive rehashing of data and stories to justify its positions…  When the ‘inner juice’ is abandoned, it is replaced by inner peace. David R. Hawkins
• The ego gets a grim pleasure and satisfaction from suffering and all the non- integrous levels of pride, anger, desire, guilt, shame, and grief. The secret pleasure of suffering is addictive… To stop the mechanism, the pleasure of the payoff has to be identified and willingly surrendered to God. Out of shame, the ego blocks out conscious awareness of its machinations, especially the secretiveness of the game ‘victim’.  David R. Hawkins

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Let go of the fear of change

• Remember that victims are frightened by change. And leaders grow inspired by it. Robin Sharma
• Fear

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Let go of your resentment by forgiving your “perpetrators” and yourself

• Forgiveness doesn’t mean: “What you did was okay.” It simply means, “I’m no longer willing to carry the heavy toxic burdens of anger, resentment, and victimhood in my soul.” Doreen Virtue
• Forgiveness has nothing to do with absolving a criminal of his crime. It has everything to do with relieving oneself of the burden of being a victim–letting go of the pain and transforming oneself from victim to survivor. R. Strahan
• Forgiveness is the only way to heal. We can choose to forgive because we feel compassion for ourselves. We can let go of the resentment and declare, “That’s enough! I will no longer be the big Judge that goes agsainst myself.  I will no longer beat myself up and abuse myself/ I will no longer be the Victim. Don Miguel Ruiz
• When I feel betrayed by someone, instead of sulking, clinging to my resentment and playing the role of victim, I am challenged to strengthen my soul through forgiveness. By forgiving the person who hurt me, I strengthen my soul. . . . each time we are called upon to forgive, we nourish our souls and learn more about who we are and what we have to share in this world. This is also an example of unconditional love. John Gray
• I think the first step is to understand that forgiveness does not exonerate the perpetrator. Forgiveness liberates the victim. It’s a gift you give yourself. D. Jakes
• In order to heal and move past your inner pain, you must forgive. You must forgive other people who have harmed you, and you must forgive yourself. Holding on to anger and pain doesn’t change the past or change the person who hurt you. It only poisons you with resentment and negativity. Make a daily decision to forgive and be determined to live a successful and happy life in spite of your past. Barrie Davenport
• Forgiveness,  Self-forgiveness

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Let go of old victim stories

• I do believe, however, that as adults we must reach a point of reconciliation with our stories. Eventually we come to a fork in the road when we’re faced with a choice. Is our story just a story — or is it who we are? If we continue to allow our childhood pain, or any pain for that matter, to define us and serve as the reason for living a compromised life, then we’ll forever be stuck in a victim mentality.   Barrie Davenport
• Let go of stories of self

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Create a new story for yourself …

• Sometimes when you’re in a bad mood, it’s tempting to cling to a story that justifies it, and then retell it over and over like a picture book you’ve heard a million times. And then he said this…And then I did this…And then I messed up… Visualize yourself closing a book and taking a new one off the shelf. Then start telling yourself a different story—one where you’re not a victim, one where you’re not powerless, one where you’re accepting what happened and moving on so you don’t lose anymore time to that other book. Lori Deschene
• The way you talk about yourself and your life—your story—has a great deal to do with what shows up in your day-to-day experience. Your thoughts create filters through which you view your life. If you think of yourself as a Victim, you filter all that happens to you through the lens of DDT, and you find plenty of evidence to support that viewpoint. That’s why the orientation you adopt is so important: it exerts a powerful influence on your life direction. David Emerald
• Create a new story. Focusing on the old story isn’t serving you. It may in the short term, but telling yourself a new story where you are actively problem solving and taking on more personal responsibility will help you to get past the victim shadow. Emily Roberts

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… a story where you are a creator, not a victim

• There are times in my life when I have been medicine for some while poison for others. I used to think I was a victim of my story until I realized the truth that I am the creator of my story. I choose what type of person I will be and what type of impact I will leave on others. I will never choose the destructive path of self and outward victimization again. Steve Maraboli
• There are no victims in the universe, only creators. The Masters who have walked this planet all knew this. Neale Donald Walsch
• For if you are God’s equal, that means nothing is being done to you—and all things are created by you. There can be no more victims and no more villains—only outcomes of your thought about a thing. Neale Donald Walsch

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Stop victimising yourself with your constant self-judging and criticism

• The harsh judgements of the Judge make us blame ourselves, turning us into a Victim. Don Miguel Ruiz
• The real mission you have in life is to make yourself happy, and in order to be happy, you have to look at what you believe, the way you judge yourself, the way you victimize yourself. Miguel Ruiz
• There is another part of us that receives the judgments, and this part is called the    The Victim carries the blame, the guilt, and the shame. It is the part of us that says, “Poor me, I’m not good enough, I’m not intelligent enough, I’m not attractive enough, I’m not worthy of love, poor me.” The big Judge agrees and says, “Yes, you are not good enough.” Don Miguel Ruiz
• But nobody abuses us more than we abuse ourselves, and it is the Judge, the Victim, and the belief system that make us do this. Don Miguel Ruiz
• Don’t become a victim of yourself. Forget about the thief waiting in the alley; what about the thief in your mind? Jim Rohn
• Criticism,  Let go of the need to judge

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Instead, be compassionate and patient with yourself

• If you’ve been dealing with a victim mentality for years, it will take some time to shift to a new conscious mindset. Be patient and loving toward yourself. Acknowledge your efforts and successes and be gentle with yourself when you falter, as you likely will. Your intention for positive change will keep you moving in the right direction, even if you fall back into old behaviors on occasion. Personal growth takes time and practice. Barrie Davenport
• And sometimes people are invested in being victims – it’s a pattern of behavior that is familiar even if it isn’t pleasant. To change the victim thought process takes time, a major shift in perspective and not judging yourself when you are working through it. Carol Chanel
• Self-compassion,  Patience

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Define yourself rather than being defined by others

• Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life, but define yourself.  Harvey Fierstein

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Stop repressing your emotions

• …the victim represses, and the warrior refrains…. To refrain is to hold the emotions and to express them in the right moment, not before, not later …They have complete control over their own emotions and therefore over their behavior. Don Miguel

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Free yourself of the numbness of apathy

• I am not a victim. I am alive, wide awake and free from the numbness of apathy. Rokelle Lerner
• Apathy and indifference

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Stop taking the opinions and actions of others so personally

• Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering. Don Miguel Ruiz
• You are not a victim of anyone’s behavior or words. If we feel like victims, then everything will feel personal. And sometimes people are invested in being victims – it’s a pattern of behavior that is familiar even if it isn’t pleasant. To change the victim thought process takes time, a major shift in perspective and not judging yourself when you are working through it.  Carol Chanel
• When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering. Miguel Ruiz
• Don’t take things personally

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Stop being a victim of your thoughts

• You are not a helpless victim of your own thoughts, but rather a master of your own mind. Louise Hay

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Stop being a victim of fear

• The desire to be a free person is very worthwhile. To be free means you are no longer the victim of fear, anger, craving, or suspicion. Thich Nhat Hanh
• Fear

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Stop being a victim of shame-based thinking

• The hallmark of shame is a constant awareness of our defects. Without realizing it, we become continual victims of shame-based thinking. Every day, we focus on our failures. Every day, we re- convince ourselves that we are defective. Our thoughts become riddled with judgment, regret, and images of impending failure. Hazelden
• The shame-bound person may become either an offender or a victim, or, as is most likely, one who vacillates from one mode to the other. If his experiences cause him to access his shame, he may take out his hurt and rage on others weaker than himself in his present community of family and friends. For another person whose defense is less aggressive, if she is re-shamed, she may fall into her accustomed role of victim, as she is naturally adept in this guise, having been an actual victim in her original family. Having learned to make a “virtue” of necessity, she has mastered playing the victim for what consolation rewards there are–some sympathy, some self- righteousness. Robert D. Caldwell, M.Div.
• Shame

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Do not victimise others

• You cannot continue to victimize someone else just because you yourself were a victim once—there has to be a limit.  Edward W. Said
• You can stand tall without standing on someone. You can be a victor without having victims. Harriet Woods

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You can be a victim or you can be rich

• You can be a victim or you can be rich, but you can’t be both. Listen up! Every time, and I mean every time, you blame, justify, or complain, you are slitting your financial throat. T. Harv Eker
• There is no such thing as a really rich victim. T. Harv Eker
• Poor people choose to play the role of the victim. T. Harv Eker

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